An Ode To Canberra

Canberra’s the best place in the world, that’s clear

No city or country could ever come near

With towers and statues and buildings and shit

It’s a great place to live, but I wouldn’t want to visit.

Interstate visitors, the first thing you’ll say

When flying into Canberra is “is it always this grey?”

Canberra’s beauty is unparalleled and grand

But is just as nice to see… even when you can’t.

Where else can you fly ‘round a city in fog

From 7am till 11 o’clock?

The airport is great, but there’s much more to do

There’s Kingos, the Kingo, the Iro & the Moose!

Or you could tour the lake on a Segway ride

Travel at walking pace & go broke at the same time!

Grab a kebab from the Yarralumla shops

They’re a fucking Canberra institution & they’re fucking tops

Speaking of food, check out Brodburger

Here are some tips to take your experience further:

Order your food, then go check out the sites;

the Civic sheep statues, the thing on Drakeford Drive.

Maybe visit Parliament House, go and roll down the lawn.

Take a trip into Fyshwick, buy some… uh… used cars. 

Go to Westfield in Woden to look for some clothes.

Notice all of the men’s shops have signs that say “closed.” 

And there’s fifty new shops that sell cheap plastic gnomes

More discount stores there than the Hyperdome.

Then go north to Bonner and Casey and Crace

Think, “Why such small houses with so much fucking space?” 

Then head back to the city to pick up your order

That delightful smell masking the Lake Burley water. 

You rock up to Brodburger, ready to eat

You did the right thing by ordering last week.

Out comes your burger, FUCKING YES ABOUT TIME

You laugh at the people who are still waiting in line.

So you mung down your burger, and eat it with glee

The only difference is that they added some brie.

“That’s it?” you declare as you chew up your cheese.

“It’s a fucking burger, with salad and meat.

I waited all day, paid way too much cash

And all I get back is a bit of fromage?”

But remember the way that new things can work

When they come into Canberra and make people beserk?

Like when they opened the first Krispy Kreme Canberra store

Thousands of people all lined out the door.

A week later on, no one gave half a shit

For a donut; whether glazed, iced or had custard in it

When a new trend hits Canberra, the owners are holding their breath

That it escapes from the infamous Canberra hug-to-the-death.

When something is new, Canberrans will pick out their side:

Either love it too much, or ignore it to die.

A gourmet meal served out of a truck

That’s quirky enough to make me give a fuck.

So fuck it, enjoy your food down on the lake

It’s just a fucking burger, for fucking fuck’s sake

A Canberran’s idea to make something to please us

And all it has taken are two kinds of cheeses.