Wednesday, August 26, 2015

What do Canberran people talk about?

People in Canberra are known to socialise with each other occasionally, as long as there are no Queanbeyan residents within earshot.  If you find yourself in a conversation with a Canberran but are struggling to maintain regular repartee, the following topics may be of assistance:

Insinuate that all Public Servants are fat, lazy bureaucrats who waste the taxpayer’s money and have three hour boozy lunches every day.
This is a good one for an icebreaker, I’ve found.  It incites some vigorous debate about the evolution of the office worker, and can lead to some interesting thoughts on any current or former Minister. 

Point out the benefits of a light rail system from Civic to Gungahlin.
If you are talking to some southsiders, and I’m talking, like, Banks and shit, explain how a new public transport system would be an asset to the entire city, and how it will 'eventually' connect each Town Centre following a flawless introduction that had minimal impact on taxpayers. 

Gungahlin will be just a couple of minutes away for people who want to leave the City and shop at Coles, if are willing to wait until 2025.

How it’s impossible to find staffy bull terrier breeders in Tuggeranong.
I haven’t seen or heard anyone mention that they have about twelve pregnant staffies, have you?  They are such beautiful animals that wouldn’t hurt anyone, but when they do it’s really out of character for them, especially like last week and that was the kid’s fault anyway.
Mention that you have never had a taxi driver take you the long way home. 
To better orientate yourself with the Canberra layout, the use of this topic will raise the different arterial roads that connect the suburbs, as well as demonstrate how highly-regarded Canberra’s customer-service industry is, especially if they are ethnic minorities. 

How you are pretty sure you received a speeding fine from the Athllon Drive point-to-point speed camera.

Bringing up the glorious roadside art installation on Athllon Drive will usually incite Canberrans to display their oft-hidden underbelly in that they are little-known physicists who will simply explain complex equations such as “waste of fucking time, space and money” to you, including the misunderstood “roundabout matrix” and the fact that someone stole the S from the Red Rooster sign again.   

Canberra's speed cameras are based on the classic Pixar movie Wall-E

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