It’s the final round of NRL 2015 wooooo except for the finals series woooo.
We could even be in for an interesting weekend of footy (also: we might not be), as the shitty teams have actually decided to turn up and play well over the last few rounds. Sure, it’s about twenty-four weeks too late, but that’s just something for them to work on for the 2016 season.
“This year boys, let’s not slack off after round two. We need to dig deep, give 110%, get some go-forward, stick to the game plan and go for the full eighty minutes. Until at least round six, then it’s easy street.”
Brisbane Broncos vs Melbourne Storm
After a few shit weeks, Melbourne hit back against the Cowboys and took a scrappy, yet much-needed win from their game. The Broncos demolished Souths without even raising a sweat, and are probably the form team in the comp at the moment. I can’t see the Vics taking this one, and I’ve looked at it sideways and upside-down and now I'm a bit dizzy.
Sydney Roosters vs South Sydney Rabbitohnos
With Inglis under a perpetual injury cloud, Issaac Luke being perpetually suspended and stupid, and the Burgess brothers being perpetually clumsy, another cricket score is on the cards against the Bunnies. Last year’s premiers are looking very shaky and probably won’t win another game this year. The Roosters proved that there's life beyond JWH and Pearce (but we all knew they wouldn't miss Pearce) after giving Manly what-for last week.
Penrith Panthers vs Newcastle Knights
The Panthers have had no fucking luck at all this year with injuries, and after troubling the finals series last year, find themselves battling it out for the wooden spoon this time around. With Soward the latest injury scare following a desmolishment against Canberra, and the Knights putting together two decent games in a row, I’m tipping Oldcastle to scrape home in what could be the fucking game of the year. Forget the glory of coming first, the dubious honour of coming last will spur this game to heights that haven’t been seen since… well probably about this time last year. At least the losers of this match will take home the wooden spoon accolade, and rest easy knowing that they were the best losers that the league has ever seen.
St George Illawarra Dragons vs Wests Tigers
Seriously, Dragons? You needed to win against the Titans to remain in finals contention and you couldn’t quite do it. I can see a deflated St George outfit turning up against a Wests Tigers team with nothing to lose and the smell of a down-and-out team in their nostrils, and getting horrendously pumped by them. I reckon the Tiges will take this one by a surprisingly large score.
Nth Queensland Cowboys vs Gold Coast Titans
The Cowboys are in dire need of some form, and this will be their best chance to get some combinations happening before they play, you know, someone good. The Tits have been riding their luck for a few weeks and have salvaged a bit of pride and a couple of points before the broom gets put through the ranks, but they can probably start planning Mad Monday celebrations right now. And you know how good Gold Coast Mad Monday would be. If they don’t make the Channel 9 News, I’ll be pretty disappointed.
Parramatta Eels vs Canberra Raiders
The Mighty Fucking Canberra Raiders will be looking to make it #twoinarow this week after destroying the Panthers on Monday night. This week, the Green Machine face a slightly-more-difficult-but-still-not-that-intimidating prospect against Parramatta, who have had their own fair share of shit games this year. Canberra will hopefully close out the year with a win, but plonk a “Mister Evil Breakfast Guaran-fucking-tee” on Semi Radradra crossing the stripe for a try or two.
Cronulla Sharks vs Manly Sea Eagles
Canterbury Bulldogs vs New Zealand Warriors
I can’t get over how bad New Zealand are at the moment. Like, seriously. It’s just not cool, bro. I wouldn’t tip them against my mum right now, and she’s not in the shape that she was. Dogs by a trazillion and twelve. Pick that margin.
After three days, police still haven't found Jamie Soward, but believe he's "still buried here somewhere."