Spoonbowl is on – with three rounds to go, there are still six teams who are threatening to take the prize that no one wants; last place. That includes the Raiders, who just last week could have made the top eight if they’d won. Crazy, no? Looking at all six teams, they will all be in the running for being the NRL’s worst fucking team of the year until the final round, depending on results. Luckily for the mighty fucking Green Machine, the Raiders have the best chance of escaping the dreaded spoon, as their next three games are against three teams below them – which is a feat in itself when you’re tied for second last.
Dragons vs Panthers
Penrith could use that wooden spoon to stir a nice big pot of chicken soup so they can all feel better. Benji Marshall is back for the Dragons, if that means anything anymore. I'll tip the Dragons, but only just. The desperation to keep off the bottom of the ladder will be a huge incentive for the Panfers.
Souths vs Doggies
No Sutton or Keary for Souths means this fucker will be a bit tricky to tip. Issaac Luke getting let go by the judiciary for a pretty ordinary hit just adds to the confusion of what actually constitutes a shoulder charge. “Was it late?” “Yep.” “A bit shouldery?” “Yes, quite shouldery indeed.” “No charge, here’s $20 for a cab, sorry to waste your time. If you leave now, you’ll make it home in time for House Husbands.” Of course, this just means that Luke is going to do something much, much more stupid this week. Anyway, I am going for the Dogs. I still can’t trust Souths… and when you trust Canterbury-Bankstown more than someone, you know there’s trouble.
Cronulla vs Tigers
The Sharks were brought back to earth (or sea) last week with a thumping from the Storm, and the Tigers managed to fall to the Knights… somehow… so both teams will be looking to save face, keep in touch with the top eight/stay off the bottom of the ladder, and actually show that they’re not as bad as they were last week. As a result, this game gets the Mister Evil Breakfast Dangerous Upset Game of the Round Stamp (MEBDUGOTRS). I’m tipping the Sharks, but without too much confidence.
Warriors vs Cowboys
The Cowboys are meant to win, and the Warriors are destined to lose… which means that a solid 18 point win for the Warriors is on the cards. Fucked if I’m tipping them though; they look like absolute dick at the moment. And not good dick, if you know what I mean. I don’t know what I mean.
Roosters vs Broncos
Could be the game of the season – the last time these dickheads played each other, the NRL world went into a complete meltdown about the quality and speed of the game, and it was branded an “instant classic” and will probably be available to watch on Foxtel on one of the sports channels next year. Whether or not this one lives up to those lofty heights is anyone’s guess, as is the winner. I’m going for the Roosters, but only fucking just.
Titans vs Raiders
The Raiders were kind of robbed last week against Manly, but were once again punished for not playing out the full eighty minutes. With a 26 degree day forecast, the Canberra forwards could tire a bit more quickly than usual, giving the Titans about thirty minutes to win this one. Canberra should still manage to scrape through by about 12.
Manly vs Parramatta
The Eels gave a right good ol’ scare to the Roosters last week by leading for about 95% of the game before doing what we expected and capitulating badly to go down by 10. Manly are probably a bit lucky to still have their season going, and will defend this one to the bitter end. Any time Manly wins is a bit bitter.
Storm vs Knights
I’m going to pull out the ol’ MEBDUGOTRS again for this game, as it has my sirens ringing in all the wrong ways. Not enough for me to tip Newcastle against Melbourne though. I mean, come on. Gidley. Nuff said.