Wednesday, June 15, 2011

State of Origin Game 2, 2011: Don't forget to write a witty heading before posting this blog

Tonight’s State of Origin clash is shaping up to be one of the most important games in recent memory. Speaking of recent memories, mine was waking up surrounded by tequila bottles, blood, a shovel and what appeared to be half a prostitute (I’m not saying which half). Perhaps other people’s lives (and memories) are different to mine.

NSW are under massive amounts of pressure to put a halt to QLD’s winning streak, which dates back to biblical times. “And God did say unto Methuselah, ‘Take this twenty dollars to the TAB and put it on Queensland to win.’ Methuselah did as God intended, and won enough money to buy beer and some chips. And God saw that this was good.”

Of course, the Queensland domination of Origin won’t last for too much longer as their key players will give up representative football in the next few years, but winning against a team without Lockyer (retired), Civenociva (old age), Thurston (pubic lice), Slater (rat farming) and Smith (shaving) will be hollow, and for any kind of pride to be instilled within the NSW culture, they need to win this series.

The Blues’ preparation hasn’t exactly been ideal, losing Dugan to injury and Morris to stupidity, and then replacing them with Hayne and Minichiello. Not the good Minichiello either.

Sticky Tricky Ricky “Supercoach Selector Superstar Super Super” Stuart has hocked a giant loogie in the face of his previous selection process by backflipping on the idea of not choosing players out of position, as he has picked fullback Hayne for the wing, lock Gallen as a front-row prop and spastic Minichiello on the field. I’m not saying that Gallen isn’t big enough to be a prop, but it will force him to play a completely different style of game to what he’s used to. His speed and mobility may have been a factor in his controversial position selection, but with rain and heavy ground forecast for Sydney, this may mean sweet motherfucking fuck all. A guy running fast but unable to change direction is about the same as a guy running slowly who can’t change direction, and he will be duly eaten alive by the maroon forwards.

Queensland have made only a couple of changes to their team, with Gringlis taking his place in the centres, replacing Tonga who decided that having two working shoulders was way overrated. Greggie hasn’t had the smoothest of 2011s, but has that certain knack for saving all of his good form for Origin games. If I was a betting man, I’d put a coin or two on him to snatch a try. Possibly the second try.

Mister Evil Breakfast’s Philosophical Tip:
The game will not be won by NSW. If they are to secure victory, it will not be because they won, but because QLD lost.

I am prepared to eat all of these words, by the way. Especially the word “chips.”

Regardless of how many shit tattoos you may have, you can rest easy knowing that Thurston's are worse


Anonymous said...

If you had to put a photo of this dude up I am glad it is one where you cannot see his face!

Mister Evil Breakfast said...

Here's one of his noggin:

And here's one of his bum but without his girly tat:

King Crack said...

NSW won! Start eating!

Mister Evil Breakfast said...

Cracky - don't worry, I'm nomming down every last letter.

King Crack said...

A man of your word. I like it.

Good blog too. Nice work.

Mister Evil Breakfast said...

Thanks Cracker, I like your blog too. I think our blogs should get together and make out one day.

Bouncer at AllBar said...

How drunk was JT when he got that tat done?
I can't work out if it's just horrid or bogantastic.

King Crack said...

I like the idea of our blogs getting together and making out but I fear your blog wouldn't respect mine in the morning.