Thursday, August 13, 2015

NRL 2015 Round 23: Rabble Rabble Rabble

Everyone and their dog (settle down, Joel Monaghan) has an opinion this week on whether the NRL is getting too soft by outlawing shoulder charges and punching people in the face or the back of the head.  The way the current rule is, any contact made by the defender with their shoulder and no attempt to use their arms is an automatic penalty and trip to the judiciary… except for motherfucking Kane Evans who put Sam Kasiano on his giant arse with the most blatant shoulder-charge this year and managed to escape all punishment through the legality of “holy fuck that was a good hit.” 

Then Willie Mason got suspended for lightly touching some fucking weak unit after said weak unit literally ran into him.  I’m not a massive Mason fan, but he was hard fucking done by, and it’s more proof that the NRL has no idea how to police their own rules.  Each tackle should be judged on its own merits, or lack thereof, including contact with the head.  If it’s a good fucking hit, it needs to stay in.  If it’s a good fucking hit that goes fucking awry, then punish that.  EASY AS FUCK.

In a classic Bulldogs move, up-and-comer David Minute was sacked by the club after repeatedly ringing a female trainer and jerking off over the phone to her.  That is some vintage Canterbury action right there.  We haven’t had a good old-fashioned sexual discrimination-verging-on-assault for a while from those lovable lads in Bankstown, so well done to them for maintaining the highest possible standards and once again shining a glorious light on the players of the NRL, while also providing a great example that the female staff members of rugby league clubs are always appreciated and held in the same stead as their male counterparts.      

Canberra Appreciation Month update
Well, the Raiders went and fucked up Canberra Appreciation Month AGAIN by fucking losing to the motherfucking Tigers on Monday night, snatching a heart-breaking loss from the sweaty clutches of a crushing victory, and really fucking up their fucking chances of fucking qualifying for the fucking finals.

Canberra looked like absolute balls whenever they were put under any kind of defensive pressure and proved AGAIN that they are currently incapable of closing out a game.  Blake Austin played as if he’d just come back from a date with Bill Cosby, and Sammy Williams tried to do too much in his first game back from injury and was attempting to carry the team on his tiny little shoulders.  Dave Shillington won’t forget his 200th game for the club, as he was sent from the field for headbutting – the first bloke to be marched in two years.  He somehow avoided the wrath of the judiciary, and will be taking his place in the team this weekend after spending zero weeks on the sideline.  This will probably make him a marked man for the rest of the season, and he should expect to cop a bit from other big boofheads who have been suspended for lesser infringements.  Could  be good to see what happens though, seeing as ol' Shillo seems to be sitting on a powder keg at the moment.  We might even see a punch get thrown.  If that happens, wake the kids up.  It's like Halley's comet.  

Player of the Week:  Shannon Boyd, who scored a double in Monday night's loss to the Tigers.  There's so much I'd like to say, but won't because I'd be afraid of this guy breaking into my house, literally tearing me in half and eating me.
Also, he's 22.  Twenty-two.  Let THAT sink in.  This guy has seen some shit.

 Round 23

Nth Queensland Cowboys vs South Sydney Rabbitohs
Both teams will have to pick up their act from last week’s effort to get the cookies in this match, and I think that Souths just have too much ground to make up.  Add to that a host of injuries, Joel Reddy and two Burgess brothers with pillows for hands, and my prediction is that North Queensland are going to towel up the premiers. 

Brisbane Broncos vs St George Illawarra Dragons
Fuck Brisbane, way to prove that you actually do suck by sucking a lot over the last few weeks.  Thankfully they are playing a rapidly declining St George team this week to get them back into the groove of beating wooden spoon contenders.  PHEW.

Wests Tigers vs Newcastle Knights
Newcastle?  More like OLDcastle, amirite?!?!  It would be nice to play for the Knights though – you get priority seating on public transport, discount movie tickets, weekly field trips, daily nap times, being surrounded by friendly people your own age that understand you…  The Tigers have been in season-best form lately (that doesn’t really mean much though) and have put together two wins in a row for the first time in two years, and unless they lose their heads this weekend, they’ll make it three.  Most clubs can only dream of such success.  Like the Raiders. 

Penrith Panthers vs New Zealand Warriors
Watching this match should come with a health warning that it has the potential to hurt all five senses and those with heart conditions or who are pregnant or support either of these teams should avoid it at all costs. 

Sydney Roosters vs Parramatta Eels
The combined score of the last two Roosters vs Eels matches at the SFS is 106-4.  That is an insult to the Australian cricket team as much as it is Parra. 
It must be close to illegal for games like this to happen.  If everything goes the way that it should go (on paper), it will be like watching the Roosters beat a cripple to death with their own wheelchair.  Yes, that’s how politically correct I am.  Go fuck yourself.  Yeah.

Canberra Raiders vs Manly Sea Eagles
The boldest of Canberra supporters can see the might fucking Green Machine snapping back into form and breaking Manly’s streak of wins… not me though.  Stupid dickwits. 

Canterbury Bulldogs vs Gold Coast Titans
This game has my stamp of “if there’s going to be an upset, it will be in this game, bitches” on it, but I wouldn’t put my house on that.  The Dogs forwards will take them to victory and really piss on the Titans season.  It hasn’t been great. 

Cronulla Sharks vs Melbourne Storm
The Sharkies are looking the fucking goods right about now – not that I’d admit that to anyone – and if they can beat a Storm team that should be pretty desperate to keep their grubby little claws in the top eight, they’ll confirm as genuine outside chances to possibly upset a good team to maybe get into the grand final, which they will lose.  If they don’t, then they’ll probably get on the ol’ slippery slope down to shitsville.  I reckon they’ll do alright though.  I’m so confident that sometimes it hurts.

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