Thursday, June 09, 2016

NRL 2016 - Round 14: Like Shakespeare gave Chaucer a handy behind the library

Well, Parra’s season’s gone to shit
No one really expected it
Some dodgy deals with a dodgy Board
Now they get no points even when they score.
Though they looked so good til about round six
and Manly wanted a piece of it
& thought that they would have a punt...
Betting on your own games?  You you stupid… football players.

Even Josh Dugan is not that dumb,
and speaking of the Dragons’ number one,
he’s injured (again) and will face the knife
to get his broken arm straight and right.
But the procedure that he should undergo,
all Saints supporters want to know
is just which operation, from face to arse
would give him the ability to throw a pass?

Josh Dugan's tattoos started leaking onto Blake Austin

Round 14

Holy crap, this is probably the best round head-to-head that we’ve seen for a while.  Whether it delivers the chin-dampening droolfest that it promises will be interesting in itself.  But not THAT interesting that you’d ignore the games to watch Big Bang Theory repeats on Channel 7 instead. 

Broncos vs Mighty Unstoppable Canberra Raiders

Looks like two wrongs really do make a Wighton, as the Canberra custodian has been given the week off for (a) being too fucking inconsistent that it makes me angry, and (more importantly) (b) making light contact with an official as they walked past each other.  To be honest, I don’t mind him being omitted, as it brings Zac Santos “The Magnificent” into the team, and he brings a reputation of being the fucking greatest player in the history of the world ever with him.  No pressure though.  Over the last few weeks, the Raiders have performed like the unnatural offspring of Steve Smith and Steve Waugh when they have the ball in hand, but in defence look like the unnatural combination of Steve Waugh and Jason Gillespie.  The Broncos will be desperate to turn their form around, but I’m tipping the Green Machine to keep on Greening and Machining. 

Tigers vs Souths

Alright Souths, it’s probably time for you to, you know, turn up right about now.  The Bunnies have been a force over the last few years, and are dangerously close to fucking it all away.  I don’t know what they feed the Burgess brothers, but it has given them the ball skills of lesbians.  Giant, ugly lesbians.  The Tigers have James Tedesco.  That’s all anyone needs to worry about. 

Knights vs Warriors

Seems like the Warriors did their usual, “Ay bro, what round are we up to, hey?   I thunk it’s about halfway through, bro” and then decided to actually turn up and play some fooseball.  Watch for a solid two months of “holy shit, the Warriors are pretty good!” and then “oh wait, no they’re not.” 

Parramatta vs Titans

I’m going to sit on my Titans Bandwagon and ride this one in.  Woop woop.  Also, Parra’s only decent player has just been ruled out for the season.  Still, might as well top off a shit year with a bang eh?  Better than losing him while you’re in the top four with six rounds to go. 

Roosters vs Melbourne

Hahahahahahaha.  I might even throw a “CLUTCH GAME OF THE WEEK” award onto this one.  Safe as a freakin church at Christmas.  Oooh yeah.  Absolutely no questions about this one.  No doubts.  None at all.  Yep.  Oh god please.

Manly vs Penrith

Following the loss of both starting halves last week, Manly have opted to move State of Origin utility player Dylan Walker into the role of five-eighth, so he can fuck up for the full 80-minutes and offer absolutely nothing from the middle of the field.  This game (like all Penrith matches) will go down to the wire, and while it may be an exciting game, receives me “No one cares, dickheads!” award for this week. 

St George vs Canterbury

Doggies’ five-eighth Moses Mbye had possibly the worst game of his life last week, forgetting that he needs to mix Stillnox with Red Bull, not wash down Stillnox with warm milk.  If he can get his head into the game, the Dawgs will put on about 30 points, which, as anyone who has watched the Saints play this year, is about 28 too many to chase.

Sharks vs Cowboys

PHWOAR this game should be a cracker.  Despite them beating pretty much every team in the world except for the A-Team, I am still not convinced that the Sharks have the firepower to take out the comp.  But if they win this one, I might just change my mind.  No promises though.  

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