NRL 2016 - Round 13:

State of Origin is the supposed jewel in the glistening crown of the game that is Rugby League.  Fuck, maybe in the Latvian royal jewel collection, based on the game from Wednesday night.  In the end, Queensland triumphed with a 6-4 victory, but as the old saying goes, “just because it's a close game, it doesn't mean that it was necessarily a terribly good game.”  Trust me, it’s a very old saying.  Ask your grandparents. 

State of Origin Game I never really hit any high points throughout its 80-minutes.  It threatened to, but it seemed that both teams decided that trying to get into a grind and wait for a defensive mistake from the opposition was the best way to go about winning this one.  There were no set plays, no off-loads, no second-phase play, no big backline sweeps.  While the NSW halves didn’t challenge Madeleine McCann for the crown of “hide and seek champions” like they usually do, they still didn't step up the way that the game needed them to.  It was a lacklustre example of a game pretending to be rugby league, once again.

 WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK

There was a lot of pissing and moaning from Wayne Bennett during the week regarding NRL scheduling during the Origin period, where the strongest teams may have lost up to six regular players for representative duties.  My response to Wayne:  Go fuck yourself, Skeletor.  Take solace in the other 23 weeks of the comp when you have some of the most gifted athletes in Australia playing for your team.  And it’s not like there was anything unfair about the games last week – the Broncos managed to lose to the Tigers and the Cowboys couldn’t quite limp past the Dragons.  If you can’t manage to beat them because your usual left wing isn’t playing, then you can go fuck yourself again.  The NRL did you a fucking favour - the only thing  they could have done  better was to pit you against the Knights.  

THIS WEEK

It’s another deceptively deceptive deception of a round to pick – which players will actually turn up for their club after Origin?  North Queensland, for example, have named all of their Origin players to play this week, with the exception of Michael Morgan, who was heavily concussed during the game.  They have also added the caveat that Johnathan Thurston, James Tamou, Matt Scott and centre Justin O’Neill may also not play… which is, you know, all of their Origin players.

Likewise, will Old Man Smith play for the Storm?  And will Cooper Cronk pretend to injure his ankle again to sit out for another week, sipping mocktails on his yacht? 

Round 13

Mighty Fucking Raiders vs Pisshead Manly Seagulls

I’m predicting that Wighton will go down with a broken leg, and Ricky Stuart will see me in the stands and yell out, "Go get em, tiger,” and I’ll put down my beer and run on the field, donning the #1 jersey and scoring 700 tries and converting all of them and all the Raiders fans will cry and spray me in celebratory beer and all the girls will take off their undies.

Warriors vs Broncos

HA.

Cowboys vs Knights

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. 

Storms vs Panther

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK I don’t know.  First instinct says that the Storm will smash this one in, but now I reckon the Pennies might just get up, but I’m not confident or motivated enough to bother logging into my tipping account to change it AGAIN.  Fuck it.  Flip a coin.

Roosters vs Tigers

It is my great privilege to award the coveted prize of “Who Gives A Fuck?” to this game.  The only interesting thing about this game will be to see if Teddy “Ted Man” Tedesco comes through the match unscathed, or if he will prove scientists right in their hypothesis that he is, in fact, made of pretzels.  Weather predicts for Biblical rain, so this match will be even shitter than it should be.

Bunnies vs Titans

I'm tipping an upset (I think Souths losing still constitutes an upset) on this one.  Greg Inglis has played his good game for the year, so I’d like to be the first to welcome the Titans into the Top Eight for the first time since about 1935. 

Dogz vs Sharkz

Holy shit the Sharks are officially on top of the ladder and I’m a bit scared.  Fuck it, lock in this game as the official “Bet the Farm On It” match of the round.  If you don’t have a farm, it’s not the best time to invest in one right now, so probably hold off on your Farmer Wants A Wife dreams for now.  

Remember when Matt Moylan dropped the ball?  Don't worry if you missed it, he'll show you again