Friday, June 18, 2010

Round 15: Let’s forget about last week

I knew I remembered NSW making a tackle. And here it is.

Last week’s tips were heavily influenced by head injuries and prescription drugs.
This week’s tips are proudly presented by sanity and beer. Onwards!

Broncos vs Panthers
This game is sponsored by C&C Music Factory, who brought us the classic hit “Things that make you go hmmm” because this game is making me go “hmmm” as well. Hmmm. I’m going the way of the Bronco, because I’m sick of the Panthers losing when I tip them.

Bulldogs vs Titans
This CLASH OF THE TITANS and the Bulldogs is brought to you by a hammer and your testicles. Watching these teams play is about as fun as combining the aforementioned sponsors over and over and over again. For those without testicles and therefore cannot relate to the metaphor, please contact your nearest support group for people without balls - I recommend the NSW State of Origin side. Titans to win, just so the Dogs can stay on the bottom of the ladder. Losers.

Storm vs Cowboys
Proudly presented by the time-honoured Participation Certificate. Neither of these teams will feature in the finals series; one because they are dirty, sneaky bastard liar thieves and the other because they’re just really really shit. But since it’s written in my contract that I must select a winner for each game (and no, I don’t really have a contract), I’m going to put my faith in the Storm once more.

Manly vs Souths
This game is brought to you by Oz Lotto – where your chances of picking the winning numbers are slightly easier than choosing a winner here. I’m going for the Bunnies. Surely they can’t be as bad as they were last week. Surely.

Sharks vs Dragons
Proudly presented by Don Bradman - the Dragons will be looking to knock up a century within the first session without breaking sweat. They will later demolish the frail Sharks batting line-up and win by an innings and 80 runs.

Tigers vs Raiders
This match is brought to you by House – you know what’s going to happen without even needing to watch it. The Raiders will race to a seemingly insurmountable lead by halftime, and then have that seemingly insurmountable lead surmountably mounted and they’ll end up losing by at least 10. Fucking Raiders, fucking fuck. Oh, and Dr House will cure a patient after spending 50 minutes wondering what the fuck was wrong with them when he is inspired by a pigeon with a broken wing.

Knights vs Eels
Proudly sponsored by VB because it is the everyman beer. It may not be your first choice of amber fluid, but if it’s being offered, you’ll take it. If you need to provide beer, it’s a good option. It’s like O negative blood. The Knights and the Eels are two decidedly average teams who are playing very average footy at the moment. This one could average itself out to a draw, but my pick is for the Eels to sneak home by the skin of Nathan Hindmarsh’s left buttcheek.

I am proud to be associated with tipping a full round this week.

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