So… Shane Watson is our new saviour of the world, is he? Last year he was touted as the next “Freddy Fucking Flintoff”, after Freddy took the Aussies apart in England. We jumped on the bandwagon and decided that we needed a bloke who could bat a bit, bowl a bit and have some room for a couple of tatts. Well, Watto is a fair unit, so he’s got the inking side of things down pat. It’s the other things that worry me. The guy is useless at cricket. Can’t bowl, can’t throw. Looks like a hat full of arseholes to boot.
He also breaks down after bowling 3 overs (of rubbish). How hard is it, Shano, to piff down 18 (wide) deliveries without ripping open your hamstring? Are you that fragile? We already have a decent bowler who is always injured, and has a highest test score of 201 not out, and he can’t get a game either. You might have heard of him, a certain Jason Gillespie.
As a batsman, Watson reminds me of a guy I played cricket with in under 11s. In the first game of the season, this kid stood at the crease and swung his fat little heart out, regardless of where the ball was coming from. He ended up scoring about 30 runs in 2 overs, and was regarded by many as the greatest since The Don. Unfortunately, he tried to re-enact his heroics every week for the next 3 seasons. Couldn’t quite do it, and was the only guy on the team that got more ducks than I did (I may have made that last bit up). That’s you, Watto, you tubby piece of shit. Stop being such a homo and learn how to play cricket. Being from Tasmania is no longer an excuse.