Because the Paceman (www.thepaceman.blogspot.com) seems to have relinquished his post to keep the world up-to-date with sport tips, results and happenings, I’ll do my very best to carry on his work, but without his humour or witticisms, and I will only make mention of the sports that I like. AFL and rugby union need not apply. Well, maybe AFL if I get really bored, and union if I’m even more bored.
Which basically just leaves the cricket. Australia vs New Zealand vs England. Hardly a contest really. Australia to meet the Kiwis in the finals. The Kiwis will win one game, but the might of the pack-hunting egos will reign supreme in the end. England should make it through the summer without beating the Aussies at anything except being a mob of unwashed tools. Sorry Poms, but that’s just how it is. Deal with it, and next time you win an Ashes series (could be another 98 years though), don’t get so fucking cocky.
You have the world’s ugliest fast bowler in Matty Hoggard, the world’s worst fast bowler in Steve Harmison and the world’s most overrated fucktard in Kevin Pieterson. So the game in Sydney today should be another one-sided affair with England hoping to bat first and make about 20, then let Australia chase that. Then they’ll hit the beach for the next few hours and hopefully piss off home again before their pasty skin blinds anymore unfortunate Australians.
As I mentioned, the Black Caps will most likely beat Australia in one game, and then be soundly thrashed in the next. Look for Hussey to keep everything together, McGrath to take a swag of wickets and Bracken to beat the bat on twelve consecutive deliveries, then get carted for a thousand in his next two overs.
Daniel Vettori is, as always, the Kiwis only hope, and will use the fact that he looks like Harry Potter to his advantage and use the “expelliaramus” charm to get a couple of cheap wickets. Michael Clarke, I’m looking at you. Actually, he doesn’t really look a lot like Harry Potter, but he does have glasses.
That Oram fella will again go the tonk, and will get another few runs in the first final, but will fall quickly in the next two. You heard it here first. Hopefully he also makes a few more wanking gestures to Ricky Ponting. Just quietly, Jake, you’re doing what we’re all thinking.