State of Origin is pissing me off. It’s probably pissing a lot of people off. It goes too long, is way too over-hyped and is currently fucking our game. I don’t blame Queensland for winning, nor do I blame New South Wales for losing. I don’t blame the coaches or the teams or the fans who turn up. I blame the big fat fucks who are running the NRL, who stretch out the season like I stretch out the last bit of butter in the tub and the final vestiges of Vegemite in the jar – scrape it over and over and over and spread it thin. Three weeks between Origin games? Fuck off. Split rounds and multiple byes and four-day turnarounds for almost three months? Fuck off. Fuck it off completely. The reason for the gaps during Origin are to sell more fucking jerseys, spruik more ads, get more sponsors and annoy the piss out of the punters who bother turning up every week to watch this circus.
The NRL is not looking after the long-term interests of the game, and the effects of this will start to become very apparent very quickly.
Speaking of Origin... on the field, Laurie Daley has relented and finally dropped a bunch of underperforming donkeys from his shithouse team and brought in a different bunch of underperforming dickheads to underwhelm us.
The Dylan Walker experiment has been cancelled and the official Jack Bird reign of something begins. Wade Graham will FINALLY make his debut after it was announced two weeks ago that he “might never get another chance.” Josh Dugan is back to match the uselessness of Jennings on the other side of the field. Matt Moylan was dropped for champion of the people James Tedesco to come into the team, then was brought back because Reynolds hurt himself (picked it). A few eyebrows were raised at this move, but it totes makes sense; Laurie has used mathematics to get the advantage over the Queenslanders – by losing a halfback, he has replaced him with a fullback. Double the back, double the impact. Check mate.
In all seriousness, this is pretty much the right team going forward. One winger and both of the centres are a bit shit, plus there’s a marshmallow in the front row and a shit hooker and an absolute monger in the second row, but obviously a lot of people still think they're really good, so maybe it's me who is wrong (it isn’t).
|James Tedesco just isn't ready for Origin. I'm sure he's a good kid with a heap of potential, but he's just not prepared for the challenge.|
|Not like this new kid, James Tabasco.|
|Ah. I see now.|
In other NRL news, whoever keeps saying, “It can’t get any worse for Parramatta” should probably shut the fuck up, as things do just keep getting worse for Parramatta. The latest news is that their captain and saviour, Keiran Foran, has quit the NRL. Remember when playing “Let’s Pick on Parramatta” was fun? Now it’s just a bit sad.
In better news for the club (I guess), Jarryd Hayne is (possibly) back. Back again. According to Danny “Does Less Research Than Mister Evil Breakfast” Weidler, “It's understood to be a deal worth over a million dollars, which the club says it can afford.” Well yeah, I guess they can afford it, since they had to offload three of their biggest signings in the last month, their captain just quit and two of their players are possibly being arrested. It's easy to have money when you don't have anyone to pay. We'd have to assume that Hayne has woken up from his dream of Fijian gold at the Rio Olympics, and kind of needs his old job back... but do the Eels want him there?
Yeah, probably. They don't really have a lot else going on.
Alright, what else is going on this weekend?
Parramatta vs Roosters
I think after another great week in the history of the Parramatta club, the Roosters have this game in the bag. They didn’t play badly last weekend to get beaten by the Dogs, and they are probably the team most likely to enjoy kicking Parramatta while they’re down.
Bulldogs vs Wests Tigers
No Woods, Farah or Tedesco for the Tigers. Yeah nah. There will be flares in the streets of Bankstown this weekend.
Penriff vs Sharks
This should actually be an entertaining game, although it counts as pretty much fuck-all in the grand scheme of things. If Penrith win, it’s because the Sharks have players out. If the Sharks win, they will crown themselves “Topsest Blokes in the Shire hey”. So either way, Penrith lose. Except if they win. But I’m not tipping for that to happen.
Mighty Unstoppable Canberra Raiders vs North Queensland Losers
Canberra found a whole new way to win (or did Newcastle just find a different way to lose?) last week, and with a weakened Cowboys outfit making the trek to the nation’s capital on Monday, the Green Machine should just keep on Green Machining their way towards the finals. With Bateman suspended and Papalli injured, Canberra is down to their last 27 back-rowers to pick up the slack. I’d write something about the Cowboys, but I just don’t care. Something something Thurston.