Monday, July 04, 2016

Food review of the day

What more could a warm-blooded Aussie bloody strewth true blue dinky-di Farnsy Barnsy bloody male want on a Saturday other than to wake up, change the future of this bloody great big bloody reddish-brown country, and eat a couple of snags while we're at it?

In case you missed it, it was Election Day this past weekend in Australia, which forced thousands of hungover idiots away from watching Adventure Time on the couch with a bottle of chocolate milk, and out onto the streets to decide who was going to run the country for the next couple of years (fingers crossed they last that long).

The best part of voting is drawing dicks on the ballot paper really appreciating the fan-fucking-tastic demo-fucking-cratic society that we live in, without fear of prejudice for our race, background, religious views or sexual orientation.  Whether you support Labor, the Liberal Party, the Greens, the Nationals, those weird racist-sounding parties or the ones they just put onto the ballot to fill in some space, the most important vote happens outside the polling booth:

Sausage sandwich or egg-and-bacon roll?

St Thomas the Apostle Primary School, Kambah ACT

Around 10am

Cold as fuck

Hangover Rating:
A little dry 

You know that feeling when you vote for your selected party, happy in the knowledge that you've done the educated thing and researched policies and backgrounds, put some thought into how this decision will benefit not only yourself and your family, but other people in all other demographics, and that you have made the correct decision, and then you talk to your friends about how good the party that you voted for was, and everyone's all like, "Really?  You voted for Hitler?" and then it all makes sense and you realise that you misunderstood everything and that the "invade Poland" policy sounds pretty bad in hindsight, and the "eradicate Jews" actually meant to wipe out an entire race of people?  Yeah, that's how I felt when I voted for the Egg and Bacon Roll over the snag sanger.

Dry and tasteless doesn't even begin to describe just how dry and tasteless this abomination was.  The egg was cooked the fuck out of, and the two tiny slivers of piggy meat added nothing to the frozen bread roll that it was served on.  I should have just eaten the napkin; it would have scored better.

2/10 and that's being generous.


Thankfully I also needed to fuck off down to Bunnings later that day to pick up a fire pit and a fire extinguisher, so I figured I'd do the right thing and get the vile taste of voting out of my mouth and grab myself a sausso.

Bunnings Warehouse, Tuggeranong ACT

Around 2pm

Sunny but cold

Hangover Rating:

The team on display at Bunnings this weekend was the WhISPers softball club (don't ask me, they all had jumpers and signs that had it written that way).  To be perfectly frank, I wasn't expecting much from this bunch of softballers due to (a) the fact that they play softball, and (b) they enjoyed letting the sausage line-up extend halfway into Aisle 17 of Bunnings.  The mutes who were looking after line decided not to explain that they were just waiting for some snags to cook, but instead stared off into the distance, just above everyone's heads with that slack-jawed vacant look and avoided all eye-contact that really should be reserved for tee-ball players.  Once the barbie was fired up though, things turned the fuck around.

As soon as it was handed to me, I knew something had changed.  My hand tingled underneath the napkin.  I don't know whether it was because I bothered waiting for about 10 minutes to get this sausage and the anticipation had built up in my mind, or whether this was truly a work of a higher power that I do not deserve to understand, but it took all of my will not to eat this sanger in one bite.

The sausage was perfectly cooked, and tasted like seventeen kinds of glory.  It's like they served up unicorn wrapped in stegosaurus, and cooked to perfection by Zeus himself.  The onions were cripsy - fucking crispy onions - and everything fell perfectly into place.

I have no idea what kind of crack those softball kids are on these days, but I'll buy it if it's even half as good as these sausages.  Cannot fault it, a fucking 10/10.  

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