NRL 2014 – Finals week 2: A rock and a hard place

This week, the NRL celebrated seven days without any players being arrested, charged, convicted or accused of any illegal activities.  Well done, lads.  You have all dug deep, given 110%, stuck to your game plan, and luckily enough it came off.  Full credit to the police and the general public, but at the end of the day there’s a winner and a loser.  Everyone is looking to the future, but taking it one week at a time.

I don’t know if this sudden turnaround of lack of drink driving allegations, assault and battery charges, possession of drugs and public nudity violations has anything to do with Todd Carney shipping of to France for three years to play rugby with the Catalans team.  Best of luck to the little fuckwit; here’s hoping he enjoys it so much that he stays there.  I am sure that he will fall in love with the culture, history, art and €3 bottles of wine made with 82% ethanol. 

The most controversial thing that happened in league circles that I’m aware of this week was the North Queensland coach, Paul Green, criticising the judiciary for suspending Thor look-alike Tariq Sims for a couple of weeks following a late, high, off-the-ball shoulder charge that left Justin Hodges heavily concussed.  It’s just unbelievable how inconsistent the NRL tribunal is when your player can’t wait until a new financial year before landing a cheap shot to the head of your opponent and not get suspended.  IT’S ANOTHER NRL CONSPIRACY! say the North Queenslanders, which is a feat in itself for them, as “conspiracy” is quite a hard word to say when you don’t have any teeth.

The NRL also announced that soft-cock-rock band Train will be performing at the Grand Final this year.  Another great move, guys - the 14-year old girl and 43-year old housewife demographics have been officially catered for.  To please everyone, they have also organised Slash (of Guns n Roses fame) to knock out some tunes as well.  I'm assuming that a time-machine that takes the stadium back to 1990 will also be involved.

FINALS WEEK 2

Well last week turned up some clusterfuck performances, amirite?  And by that, I mean the Melbourne Storm.  Good season though, lads.  Make sure the same team turns up next year so you can continue to slide down the ladder.  It’s important not to change anything from the team that won the comp in 2008. 

Roosters vs Cowboys

Manly vs Bulldogs

Despite losing last week to the Panthers (who no one still seems to be taking seriously), the Roosters are still getting the NRL pantheon a bit moist downstairs, as Rabs and Fatty and all those fucking dickwits just keep frothing at the mouth about Sonny fucking Bill Williams, James fucking Maloney, Mitchell fucking Pearce and all of the other fucking fuckwits that didn’t win last week.  Here’s a thought, fellas – maybe you should flick to other sections of your copy of NRL Weekly apart from the centrefold. 

I’m tipping the Cows to beat the Roosters, just because.  I like nothing more than seeing those princesses get beaten by a team that they think they should win against just by turning up.  Maloney’s form this year has been potato as well, so if the North Queenslanders can work out some kind of plan to run at him all night, they should come way with the points.

Manly and the Bulldogs… wow.  This is a hard one to pick, because they’re both a bit rubbish at the moment, and I hate them kind of equally – including the coaches.  On paper, you’d expect a Manly trouncing (and that’s what everyone’s kind of hoping for/expecting), so I’m going with the crowd.  As long as Steve Matai gets suspended or injured (likelihood:  100%) and Brett Stewart makes that face where he thinks he’s just shit himself but is a bit afraid to check (100%) and Geoff Toovey has a massive cry (110%; dig deep, Tooves), I’ll be happy.  I’d also love to see another Bulldogs meltdown led by Josh Reynolds, and maybe some kind of Tony Williams mind-snap where he just starts eating people. 

I fucking love this game.