Fuck me in the ear with a Telstra Tower snowglobe, Canberra Appreciation Month finished and I kind of missed the Lake Burley Griffin Party Boat on the whole thing. I guess that makes sense, seeing as I started it three weeks late and didn’t do anything else. It wasn’t an oversight though, it’s just a Canberran state of mind – I acknowledged the fact that it was Canberra Appreciation Month, I simply didn’t do anything about it. Kind of like the Centenary of Canberra celebrations last year – everyone totally knew that there were concerts and exhibitions and attractions and shit going on, but everyone preferred not to attend anything, but loudly complain to everyone that “nothing ever happens in Canberra” when it had finished.
And it’s not like I don’t have anything interesting to talk about in Canberra - quite the opposite, in fact. I’m torn for choice about which segment of capital glory to share with everyone over the extended Mister Evil Breakfast Canberra Appreciation Month during September. You know, because my faithful readers (both of you) fucking love this shit.
Today, we turn our attention to these two lesbians, who grace Canberrans’ earlobes every weekday morning on (apparently) our most popular (only) local FM radio station, FM104.7.
These two women are otherwise known as Scotty and Nige, and when they’re not being Canberra’s only non-sporting celebrities to serve out Big Macs on McHappy Day, they are badly rehashing jokes they read on the internet three weeks ago to entertain the bogan masses on their commute to work with their morning radio show. I don’t know which one is Scotty and which one is Nige, and I also cannot confirm that they were both born male, although I have it on good authority that the fat one captained a women’s D-grade indoor cricket team a few years ago.
In between playing Harvey Norman ads and that “Happy” song, Scotty and Nige will awkwardly interrupt each other as they stumble over the explanation of the latest “I can has cheezburger” meme that someone emailed them, before giving an on-air plug for ReACT Roofing, throwing to the news and then a commercial for half-price Adam & Eve dildos followed by eight minutes of station promos reminding the listeners that there’s a 40-minute commercial free period coming up after midday. Then they laugh at their own jokes for a while, play “Happy” again and fuck off to the pub for the day.
What a couple of geniuses. Fuck em.