With the ANZAC (kind of) Test match on tonight, it has been deemed sensible to cancel the rest of the regular NRL games this week, and it’s not a moment too soon, in my opinion. What a clusterfuck this year has been so far – this might just give me enough time to get my tips in order, or for someone to find the Canberra Raiders, who last week were all kidnapped and replaced with pod people who looked quite similar to regular people, but lacked knowledge of how to possess the football, how to form a defensive line, and enjoyed looking decidedly aimless.
The last round of footy also saw twenty-five players added to the injury list, including Jarryd Hayne, James Maloney, Michael Jennings, Todd Carney, Jamie Lyon, Glenn Stewart and Braith Anasta. Seriously, twenty-five players injured, and not one fuck to be given anywhere.
The ANZAC Test has caused a smidge of controversy with the Kiwis opting to pick a team full of people who have “heard about rugby league, but not seen it played as yet.” The Australians decided to match the NZ team by picking players from the Melbourne Storm.
In other sporting news from around the country, Geoff Huegill this week unveiled his weight-loss secret, while fellow swim star Stephanie Rice kept us on the edge of our seats by announcing her retirement. I can’t wait to hear what she’s actually retired from, or which celebrity reality show she’ll be appearing on next. Ian Thorpe has some kind of problem – X-Rays revealed his head has been too far up his own arse for too long, while Grant Hackett is struggling to stay relevant, so has opted to use the controversial Matthew Newton strategy to keep his name in the headlines.
I wish I had some AFL news to report, but there’s still absolutely nothing happening in the game at all. Possibly someone kicked a behind, I’m not sure. I watched the AFL Footy Show last night, and all I could gather was that someone has been given the actual role within their team to sledge the opposition, and a ruckman is teaching another ruckman how to ruck. Then the band Shepherd came on and I thought, “Oh yeah, I know them.” Then I watched an episode of Archer that I had recorded the day before, and then I went to sleep. Then Collingwood kicked another behind in the third.