Thursday, September 05, 2013

NRL 2013 Round 26: Dead Rubbers and Broken Dreams, and THANK FUCK IT'S OVER

Why does this round start on a Thursday?  It confuses me.  Is it because of the cricket going on in England?  Is it the election on Saturday?  Is it just to piss me off so I watch football on Thursday night so it feels like Friday night and then then next day is really uncomfortable because it feels like it should be Saturday, but it’s actually Friday and then there’s more Friday night football on and then I feel like I’ve had a quasi-Groundhog Day?

In any case…  WHAT A WEEK OF RUGBY LEAGUE.  Most of it was due to the fact that the AFL ballsed up a lot, by taking drugs and setting fire to dwarves as part of an end-of-year celebration, painting Australian athletes in a very pretty light. 

James Maloney from the Roosters seems to be a bit of a dick too.  Ripping a player’s shoe off and piffing itinto the crowd is just fucking stupid.  I don’t give a shit about crowd safety, or even player safety – it’s just fucking stupid.  But then, NRL players should probably learn how to tie their shoelaces a bit better.  With double knots.

Round 26

Six teams have secured their spot in the top eight with four others left to battle it out for the two remaining spots.

Exciting, no?  Well, kind of, if you discount the fact that a lot of the games this weekend are basically dead rubbers, and going to be played for pride, to finish the season on a positive note, to try and impress a new sponsor, team or coach.  And the rest… well they’re just fucking around until they get a chance to lock a clown in a car and drive it off a cliff on Mad Monday.

The Dogs should win against the Broncos, but the result means dick all for both teams.  Canterbury will be in the finals, Brisbane won’t.  TEARS FOR BRISBANE (but not really). 

I’m tipping the Bunnies to beat the Roosters and take out the minor premiership.  I don’t rate the Chooks this year – they have been able to destroy bottom eight teams, but when they’re up against good opposition, they are revealed for what they really are:  a bit shit.  In true Sonny Bill Williams form, he’s still deciding whether to play or not, or if he’s just a bit scared of playing someone good. 

Warriors need to beat the Dragons, which they should, but then they also need a couple of results to go their way to avoid being knocked out of the finals.  There’s not a whole lot else to say about this game, other than both teams were a bit shit.  Especially St George.

If the Storm don’t beat the Titans, I’m going to kick someone in the dick, and without giving it away, it will be Billy Slater.  Those fucking fucks keep losing, and it’s kind of annoying me because I want them to play in the grand final.  And then lose. 

Cowbs to knock over the Tigers, who must be pretty happy that their season is finally fucking over.  Although the way they’ve been playing this year, they looked like they were over it by round 4.

Manly should win in a useless match against Penrith, which won’t stop Geoff Toovey from having a good complain about the game, the refs, the opposition, the crowd, the advertising signage, Tom Waterhouse, how shit Underbelly is, black jelly beans, Ashton Kutcher and battered savs.  Penrith should take the field after drinking a lot of beer and just go to town on the Eagles.  Fuck it, it hasn’t been a great year for the Panthers, and next year’s recruits probably aren’t going to bring a lot more to the table.

The Knights will beat the Eels.  Congratulations, Knights.  You’ve done what everyone can do.  The difference is that you will do it with a Gidley.      

Broncos vs Bulldogs
Rabbitohs vs Roosters
Dragons vs Warriors
Storm vs Titans
Cowboys vs Tigers
Sea Eagles vs Panthers
Knights vs Eels

Game of the Round

Raiders vs Sharks

I would probably forfeit this game if I was a Raiders player.  Maybe that’s why I’m not a Raiders player?  Probably.  Cronulla have basically had the same thought, and are resting their entire playing roster.  Todd Carney’s not even going to play.  There is absolutely no reason to attend this match.

Canberra can’t find half of their team, the Sharks aren’t even going to bother taking most of theirs, so this game should just be abandoned and Bruce Stadium should be filled with kittens instead.  At least it’ll be more entertaining for the Raiders faithful.  

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