Thursday, September 05, 2013

MEBCAM 2013 - A True Canberran Legend

In days of yore during Canberra’s youth
A hero was born who fought for truth
The outlaw man from the Charny Wood,
He went by the name of Robbo Hood.

Robbo would take from the rich to give to the poor
To buy himself a new Commodore.
He'd laugh and smoke and have a drink
All on his ten weekly cheques from Centrelink.

He worked himself hard to stay on the dole
Keep unemployed, that was his goal.
His front yard had three cars all up on blocks
And if he had’ve went to school, it’d be the one of Hard Knocks.

One afternoon (and eighty bucks) down at Charny Labes,
Robbo made an adversary; people still talk of him today.
A member of the constabulary, one Sherif Nottingham
Hit our hero where it hurt, right in the SS sedan.

Robbo loved that car more than his life
More than he loved his first, third and current/pending ex-wife.
He bought it from a bloke from the Griffith flats
And he takes it every year to the Summernats.

It had a bumper sticker saying “My other car’s a Commodore”
And his other car was; that’s what he bought the sticker for.
The engine was noisy and the muffler so fucked
You couldn't tell if the tape deck was playing ‘Dirty Deeds’ or ‘Thunderstruck’.

Robbo’s feud with the law began on the day
That he decided to put on a burnout display
When his interest in the cricket match on telly had waned
As soon as the fielding restrictions took place.

So onto the streets Robbo did go
With his band of merry men following in tow;
There was Little Johnno, Billy S, and Mr Brian Tuck
Not to mention the Maiden Mazza, who Robbo wanted to fuck.

With his old Jim Beam singlet, faded tatts, mullet and rat’s tail
He looked like a Greek god, an Adonis, or a guy escaped from jail.
And who would have thought just a month after this
They’d be married, pregnant, and living with her mum and his kids?

But back to the story of Robbo Hood that’s at hand
That spread through Canberran folklore, from Amaroo to Banks
The tale of one man’s stand against law
You want Robbo to win, but you’re not sure why for.

Robbo’s hooned-up Commodore started circling in smoke
Covering the streets of Charny in a hazy, blue-grey cloak
And soon the siren sound of Constable Nottingham’s car
Could be heard above the squeal of Robbo’s burning rubber.

Nottingham stepped out and approached the tinted window,
“Sir, would you kindly turn down your radio crescendo?”
Robbo seethed as his shaking hands turned down the volume knob
Before turning his attention back to this fun-policing cop.

“Sir, you are drunk & driving with miscreant intention.
I also don’t think this is a legally modified engine.
Your doughnut burnout marks are plain for all to see,
And I know for a fact that you lost your license last week.”

And with that speech, Nottingham handed a list of violations
That Robbo had racked up on just this single occasion.
At this point, Robbo wished that his teeth had aligned
As he would have enjoyed having something to grind.

“That’s unfair!”  Mazza screeched, while slugging cans of Jim Beam.
“Bloody oath,” they all chimed in; consensus agreed.
“Wasn’t hurtin anyone,” Robbo said, and threw the ticket out.
“That fuckin cop doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

From that point on, it always seemed to be
When Robbo’s men were having fun illegally,
Nottingham was there to get in the way
Issuing tickets to spoil the day.

Like when Robbo went to watch the Canberra Raiders
As well as the time he saw the Brumbies v Crusaders.
Robbo was too pissed to walk through the gate
So trying to climb the fence was his initial mistake.

“Iss not fair I can’t afford to get into the game!”
Robbo slurred to Nottingham has he tried to explain.
“Spent all me moneys at the Tavs and the Inns.
And the Labes and the RSL and the pub.  Oh, and Sinnies.”

“Get out of here, Robbo,” Nottingham decreed,
Ignoring the fact that Rob was also carrying weed.
Although not illegal in Australia’s capital,
The ‘decriminalised’ defence is far from infallible.

“I’ll get you fuckin coppers,” Robbo Hood swore his oath.
And he tried all the time, but he never got close.
Robbo continued to try and recover his pride.
“Come on now Rob, just pay your fine.”

And that is the story of how Canberra’s legend began
A battle for the ages, of sticking it to the man.
So to the Robbo’s of Charnwood, Ainslie and Kaleen
My hat’s off to you for MEBCAM 2013.

1 comment:

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