Did anything happen in league this week? No? Nothing? Not one thing? Well that’s a bit unusual. It also makes writing about the week that was a bit difficult. However, I’m always up for a challenge (if it’s a challenge that doesn’t involve a lot of effort), so I’ll soldier on with this week’s “report.”
The Round Five match-ups pose a couple of thoughtful conundrums; ones that make you go “Pfft, this round is fucking easy!” and then make you go “oh wait, it’s a bit shit” and then you go “oh fuck it, that’ll do” because you just can’t decide if that gut feeling is the dodgy hot dog you got from the servo, or if the Panthers are going to continue the Cowboys’ shit run of form. Speaking of the Cowbs, is it a coincidence to anyone else that ever since they threw a dumptruck full of money at Jonathan Thurston to keep him until 2015, he hasn’t really looked interested in playing? It’s funny what happens when athletes get paid to stop giving a shit, huh?
Thurston kind of creeps me out a bit when he laughs, too.
In other news, the winner of Australia’s Biggest Fuckwit has been announced, with Josh Dugan taking out the coveted prize. Duges turned his back on what was reported to be a $2 million contract at the Broncos (over two years – that works out to be roughly $1 million per year, if my calculator is to be trusted) in order to swear at a couple of people who let their feelings towards Australia’s Biggest Fuckwit be known on his Instagram account.
I’ve got an Instagram thing, but I haven’t really put many photos on it. Although there is one of my bum when I got hit with a ball. It was actually a really hard photo to take. My Instagram hasn’t attracted too many followers, but that’s probably a good thing because it means I don’t get called Australia’s Biggest Fuckwit very often either.
Dugan has reportedly been linked with St Helens in the UK Super League, but I honestly haven’t followed up this rumour, so I’ll just run with it and say it’s absofuckinglutely truthful with no hint of a lie.
Bulldogs vs Sea Eagles
Titans vs Broncos
Eels vs Sharks
Cowboys vs Panthers
Dragons vs Knights
Warriors vs Rabbitohs
Storm vs Tigers
Game of the Round
Raiders vs Roosters
If a game of football went for anything other than 80 minutes, I reckon the Raiders would probably have every match pretty well in hand and everyone would recognise them as the world champions of being awesome.
Alas. It’s an 80-minute game, and the Raiders just aren’t quite maintaining their rhythm, pace and technique for longer than eighteen second periods. Heh, sounds like me in the bedroom. High five to me.
The Roosters destroyed the Eels last week by the small matter of 50 points, and almost look like they give a flying fuck about playing football, which is a sight that hasn’t been seen in the Roosters club since about 1908. I still hate
most all of the Chooks’ team (especially Sonny Bill), and love the Raiders Lime, but I think the boys from Bondi will be taking this one comfortably.
This is probably why I feel a bit crook after drinking Raiders Lime. Ew.