It’s August already? You know what that means! It’s time to shower? No, that’s not til October. Change your sheets? No need to waste time with that, I sweat too much in my sleep. August is Mister Evil Breakfast’s CANBERRA APPRECIATION MONTH! WOOOOO!
MEBCAM is pretty much the greatest thing to happen to August since the Olympics, which we continue to convince ourselves that we actually enjoy watching. “Ooh look, someone’s swimming. Oooh look, someone else is swimming, too.” For fuck’s sake, aren’t there other events on this year? Why do people apparently love to watch other idiots thrash around in a pool? Who would do this? Not me, and that’s why I was fired from being a lifesaver.
This year’s Canberra Appreciation Month will witness native fauna, amazing natural wonders, Canberran pop culture, folklore, the future, truth, myth and mystery. Plus I’ll probably do a massive amount of complaining about Todd Carney, the Raiders, people of Tuggeranong, shithouse shops, the weather and the fact that Mooseheads is still the most popular nightclub. Or none of them, it all depends on how lazy I feel.
Let’s kick off MEBCAM with the traditional Canberra songy poem:
The front page of our paper
Shows a true Canberran tome
Stories of blokes who bought a bakery
Or a dog who found a bone
Canberrans love to read about
The issues close to heart
Like kids with names of Canberra streets
Or a politician’s car won’t start.
Headlines also revolve around sport
Our teams dominate the press
Handy for them, the best news we have
Is being beaten by thirty points or less.
And every so often we open the pages
Of the sacred Canberra Times
To see world class reporting, Pulitzer stuff
Hiding in headlines.
Alice in Wonderland’s latest Alice
Who starred with Johnny Depp
In Tim Burton’s latest piece of shit
Is Canberran born and bred.
And when world crises hit our shores;
Plagues, floods, pandemic flu
The Canberra Times updates us all
About when Nirvana played ANU.
Either this car has pulled a classic photobomb, or the photographer was too lazy to walk three steps to get closer to Parly House to take a decent shot.