NRL 2012 Round 5: Farewell to Hindmarsh, part 1 of 23

Five rounds in, and Parramatta have already unveiled the latest in controversial extreme motivation techniques by retiring their only good player, Nathan Hindmarsh, thus setting in motion a season-long “farewell to Hindy.” Will it be enough to spark the underperforming Eels into action? Probably not – but it will be funny to watch them pretend to play football while they look for new teams. Speaking of shit teams, the Titans are also in all sorts of trouble – apparently they’re about $35million out of pocket, which isn’t really a position where anyone in the world particularly wants to be. But the Gold Coast CEO has a plan to save his beloved team, and has already signed all of the players on the roster up for Deal or No Deal.

When the Eels play the Titans, they should probably hold the game at career day at CIT.

Round 5

This week, I’m going for the Saints to carry on their good work, the Roosters to bounce back from last week’s shitness (I don’t know why, really – the Roosters are generally shit) and the Bunnies to continue the Tigers’ fairly ordinary start of the season. The only game I really had to have a good noodle scratch about (and a quick itch downstairs), is the Panthers and the Sharks; two teams I don’t really give a rat’s arse about, to be perfectly Francis, and probably won’t be featuring too heavily in the finals come September. In the end, I picked the team I hate less, which is always going to be the team without Todd Carney.

Brisbane Broncos vs St George-Illawarra Dragons

Melbourne Storm vs Newcastle Knights

Penrith Panthers vs Sharks

Parramatta Eels vs Manly Sea Eagles

Sydney Roosters vs New Zealand Warriors

Gold Coast Titans vs Bulldogs

Wests Tigers vs South Sydney Rabbitohs

Game of the Round:

Canberra Raiders vs North Queensland Cowboys

The gloriously mighty fucking Raiders WOO WOO destroyed the Tigers last week without even breaking sweat, and could have easily racked up about 60 points with all the tries they fucked up on the line. But they just didn’t want to score that many, obviously. Terry Campese will be having nightmares about this weekend’s game, seeing as it’s the corresponding game from 2011 that he ripped himself a new arsehole (or hamstring, or knee cartilage or pelvic haemorrhage or something) that put him out for the entirety of the season. Me, I have nightmares about falling.

The Cowboys were part of ruining my tips last week, so I automatically hate them on principle. Their form this year so far has been what can only be described as inconsistent and patchy, or maybe just plain ordinary. So I guess it can’t “only” be described as inconsistent after all. They went down in a bundle last week against the Sharks, so I obviously can’t back them after that. Also, they have Jonathon Thurston in the team. And they’re from Queensland.

Ninjas - they're everywhere