Holy shitballs, how good was Round 1? I still have a massive boner about it and find it embarrassing to stand up. Also, I can’t pee properly. It has been a difficult week for me.
If Round 2 is even half as good, I could find myself in a bit of trouble.
The down points of last week were fairly minor and not-entirely unexpected. For one, the Mighty Green Machine Raiders Woo Woo Go Canberra Go lost. But only just. The other blemish was the form of the North Queensland Cowgirls. I didn’t actually see the game (I am giving up Queensland for Lent. And for general well-being) but heard enough about it to know that Thurston and his rabid band of rednecks just couldn’t be fucked turning up to play, and were an embarrassment to everyone everywhere forever. Come on, it was the fucking Titans. To go down like they did is just ridiculous.
In other news, I’m not understanding all the love for the Weststststs Tigers this year either – they were favourites, and Benji was tipped as a Dally M front-runner before anyone had even finished getting the taste of last season out of their mouths. I’m prepared to be snomming down on a sizeable slice of humble pie at the end of the season, but I’ve got a funny feeling I’m going to be eating my usual diet of awesomeness and noodles.
Manly Sea Eagles vs Wests Tigers
Brisbane Broncos vs North Queensland Cowboys
Canterbury Bulldogs vs St George-Illawarra Dragons
Cronulla Sharks vs Newcastle Knights
Sydney Roosters vs Penrith Panthers
Melbourne Storm vs South Sydney Rabbitohs
Parramatta Seals vs New Zealand Warriors
Game of the Round:
Gold Coast Clash of the Titans vs Canberra Raiders
What did I say last week? Seriously, WHAT DID I SAY? Watch the fuck out for the inside pass to Billy Slater. Sure, I was about 50 minutes early with my prediction, but the point is: I am awesome.
The Raiders should romp this little jaunt to the Coast like the hairy-nosed rumple; an animal bred for its jaunt-romping abilities. It’s also native to the Canberra region, which makes the analogy even better. The Titans got lucky last week, running into the only team who was possibly more asleep than they were. This week, the Raiders won’t give the Titans a sniff, much like the purple-bellied sniffless, a reptile with no sense of smell (also native to the ACT region).
Look for Dugan to make it two games in a row without a serious injury, and Croker to miss at least seventy tackles. I’d also love to see Tom Learoyd-Lahrs do a length of the field try, but sometimes we can’t always get what we want, much like the crested unluckle, a wingless, mute, featherless bird which is renowned as the most unfortunate animal in the ACT region.
The Storm can play some good football, but are useless at the YMCA