Friday, September 23, 2011

NRL 2011 Finals Week 3: Fuckwits and Robocop

Robert Lui is a fuckwit, and has joined Todd Carney at the top of my “youse guys are fuckwits” list. For the second time in two years, he has been charged with bashing his girlfriend following a Tigers’ season-ending loss. Last year, he was given nine assault charges from the one incident; that’s quite impressive, especially considering that she was pregnant at the time. But boys will be boys, right? And besides, Lui is a rugby league player who abides by different laws than regular people, and has an official “Get Out Of Jail Free” card. Besides, you don’t know how hard it is to earn a shit-tin of money to do something you love, and he needed to blow off some steam by sinking a gallon of grog and then flogging the shit out of someone less than half his size.

This year, police were called following a domestic disturbance and found a woman with bruising and swelling to her face. Lui flashed his “Get Out Of Jail Free” card again, only to see that it had expired just a month prior, and he was subsequently given the proverbial slap on the wrist. The Tigers footy club did the right thing… for them… by calling all of their sponsors to inform them of what happened and then offered counselling to Lui and his partner. Hopefully Lui’s counsellor turns out to be Chopper Reid, or Batman. That’d be tops.

In other news, Darren Lockyer did the most Australian thing possible last week by breaking his face while playing, staying on the field, kicking the winning goal, saved some orphans from a fire, and therefore went down in folklore as the greatest human to walk God’s green earth since that bloke who cut off his head to escape a rock fall in the Grand Canyon, then walked 600kms to staple it back on again.

Since the game, Lockyer has undergone cyborg surgery to have his face reattached (and a gun holster in his leg; it was an added bonus), and has actually taken medical advice to rule himself out from playing this weekend. I am not sure if it’s for his own safety or the safety of those around him in case his CPU fucks out and he starts killing people. Either way, he’s not playing due to safety, which is the smartest thing that any retiring rugby league player has ever done. Remember when Terry Lamb lost the GF in 1994 (I do. Go you Raiders!) and was meant to retire, but then came back in 1995 to try and get that fairytale finish? Yeah, that didn’t work and was embarrassing for everyone involved.

Finals week trio:
vs Broncos
Storm vs Warriors

Game of the Round
Eh probably the Manly/Broncos shindig. It’ll be interesting to see if Lockyer tries to use his new eye-laser on Daly Cherry-Evans or just uses mind control on Sam Thaiday to beat the living shit out of him.

Upset of the Round
It’ll be an upset if a captainless Broncos team can beat the Manly boys. I’d rather slide a few coins over the Warriors, who I kind of forgot about this week. If Melbourne are as memory-deficient as I am, they might even lose. But probably not.

Still last.

This is not going to end well

MEB cumulative score: 122

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