Friday, August 05, 2011

Round 22: NRL tipping Canberra Appreciation Style

Canberra is the greatest city in the world and its rugby league team is without peer. The Mighty Fucking Green Machine Canberra Motherfucking Raiders are so good, in fact, that they have opted to give every other team in the comp a chance to win the premiership this year, and have decided not to win many games. It’s just another example of how truly wonderful this team is. I mean seriously, as if the Raiders could possibly lose to the Titans and the Tigers and Manly and Cronulla…actually, pretty much everyone… unless they had decided to give the 2 points away prior to kick off.

It’s the same way you let your little sister get you out when you’re playing back-yard cricket.

Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs vs North Queensland Cowboys
Wests Tigers vs St George-Illawarra Dragons
Melbourne Storm
vs Penrith Panthers
Cronulla Sharks vs Gold Coast Titans
Brisbane Broncos vs New Zealand Warriors
Manly Sea Eagles vs Sydney Roosters
South Sydney Rabbitohs vs Parramatta Eels

A few games there that are sure to get people a bit excited (well, as excited as you can be about a game that doesn’t involve the Raiders) – of particular interest is the St George vs Tigers match which will determine just how shit the Dragons are going right now; and the Brissy vs Warriors game that threatens to be a decent contest between two teams who are in good form. To be perfectly Francine, that one is likely to be a 16-all draw.

Upset of the round:

Doggies to beat the Cowboys. I’m not tipping them, but it just might happen.

Game of the round: Newcastle Knights vs Canberra Raiders

Normally, the Raiders would be gentlemen about this game and say, “Novocastrians, please jog past me to score a try; I promise I won’t even attempt to tackle you. I feel sorry for you because you don’t live in Canberra and have access to Questacon every day of the week. Hell, you don’t even have Silverchair anymore, and that makes me sad for you.” But since August is Canberra Appreciation Month, they will stand up for their city and win big to commemorate this exciting time.

Players to watch: Josh “Tampon” Dugan. He’ll be easy to keep an eye on; he’ll be the bloke sitting on the sideline eating pies and earning about $400,000 a year. In the four minutes he plays before being injured though, he’ll probably also somehow manage to score a few tries as well. Although, with Kurt Gidley standing between him and the tryline, it’d be embarrassing not to rack up at least 60.

MEB cumulative score: 91

Canberra Stadium wanted to commemorate the brilliant career of Mal Meninga with a statue. Unfortunately, they could only afford one of Andre the Giant

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