Friday, August 26, 2011

NRL 2011 Round 25: Licking the Spoon

WOAHOHOHOHO (pronounced exactly how it’s spelt) this is a good week of footy – there’s top of the table clashes in what could/should be a Grand Final preview betwixt the Storm and Manly; Newcastle and the Bunnies keep playing for their own survival; the Dragons’ recent shithouse form is going to be put to another test against a shit-hot Warriors side; and everyone else is scrambling to keep off the bottom of the ladder. I’m particularly interested in the Eels vs Roosters game this weekend, which will pretty much be like watching seagulls fight over the last chip on earth.

Parramatta Eels vs Sydney Roosters
Manly Sea Eagles vs Melbourne Storm
Canterbury Bulldogs
vs Newcastle Knights
Nth Queensland Cowboys vs Cronulla Sharks
St George-Illawarra Dragons vs New Zealand Warriors
Brisbane Broncos vs South Sydney Rabbitohs
Wests Tigers vs Gold Coast Titans

Upset of the Round:
Chuck a sneaky tenner on the Titans.

Off-field bullshit of the Round:
The Roosters have ‘dumped’ Nate “The Human Soft-Serve Machine” Myles from the club, an entire two weeks before he is set to head off to the Gold Coast to play for the Titans. It’s like sending an anorexic kid to bed without any dinner. Grow some balls, you fucking dickheads. It’s no wonder no one likes you (that, and the whole Freddy Fittler thing).

Game of the Round:
Canberra Raiders
vs Penrith Panthers

Canberra Appreciation Month probably hasn’t gone entirely according to plan for the Raiders, having lost all of their matches during this hallowed and spiritual time. Like a sacrificial red-headed lamb with a busted face, captain Alan Tongue has thrown himself upon the pyre in a last-ditch attempt to bring out some Raiders pride for his final home-ground appearance this weekend.

If that’s not enough to bring out a decent performance from his team, then nothing will.

It’s also handy that the Green Machine are facing the Panthers this week, which is about as good a chance as they’re going to get to scrape together a win, like a bloke searching through the back-seat of his car for $5.50 for parking change – it’s not a lot, but it’s just enough to improve his day. Penrith have been struck a few major blows this week, as centre Michael Jennings is out with another drinking injury, and Luke Lewis was ruled out because he just couldn’t be fucked playing any more. The Sanyo Panthers have struggled on the road this year (Michael Jennings must have been driving), which also bodes well for the Canberra lads. Unfortunately, it’s stats like that that create false hope, especially for a numpty team like Canberra.

If the boys can’t lift for Canberra Appreciation Month, for me, for the fans, for Lime Green Milk, for the wooden spoon, or for Tonguey… then fuck em.

Why I don't play NRL #3: They don't like it when you fuck dogs.

MEB cumulative score: 107

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