Friday, August 12, 2011

NRL Round 23: Eight tries from victory

Any week in which Todd “Squinty McSquintenstein” Carney gets caught being a fuckwit and threatened with being kicked out of his club is a good one for me. Happily, that happens around fifty-one weeks a year. The remaining week is a bit of a drag, but it’s right around Christmas, so I can usually find other things to keep me occupied during that time.

For those not in the know, Carney, Nate “Poopy Pants” Myles and Frank “Can I buy a consonant?” Nuuausala disobeyed club rules and got on the piss following a visit to the tattoo parlour. Seriously. The last things in the world that Carney needs are more shit tattoos, and more beers. The trio of upstanding citizens were dobbed in by a cab driver, who has copped a bit of flak for his actions. Personally, I think he did Sydney a favour, as he no doubt stopped someone being pissed on and beaten up; two of Carney and Myles’ favourite past-times.

It’s cute that he’s pretending to know how to read the paper

Other than another step in the inevitable demise of Todd Carnbag, this round is special in that it’s Darren Lockyer’s record-breaking 350th first grade appearance. Honestly, I don’t think it’s that special; it’s only 350 more games than me, and I don’t even play league. I might take it up next year though, and attempt to beat Locky’s tally IN ONE SEASON. Beat that, you gravely-voiced bastard.

Round 23

Nth Queensland Cowboys vs Brisbane Broncos
Penrith Panthers vs Wests Tigers
New Zealand Warriors
vs Newcastle Knights
Gold Coast Titans vs Melbourne Storm
Parramatta Eels vs Manly Sea Eagles
St George-Illawarra Dragons
vs Sydney Roosters
Sharks vs Bulldogs

Upset of the Round
Pop a dollar on the Eels to rock Manly’s boat, and watch out for a Roosters revival. It’ll be interesting to see how they play when their five-eighth is sober.

Game of the Round
Canberra Raiders vs South Sydney Rabbitohs
The Raiders welcomed Canberra Appreciation Month with a bang last weekend, going down to the Knights in the final 72 minutes of the game. The boys put on a great show, but just came up about eight tries short of victory.

This week, the fearsome men from the ACT will be locking horns and ears with the South Sydney Rabbitohs (sounds like a breakfast cereal. “I always start my day with a bowl of Rabbitohs!”). The Bunnies should be fairly confident going into the match; if demolishing the Panthers last week wasn’t enough to give them a boost, the fact that they’re playing the Raiders this week should do the trick.

It has been a tremendous 2011 season for the Raiders, who were recently unfairly knocked out of finals contention due to other teams continually beating them. Unfortunately for Canberra, peaking in Round 1 was possibly too early in the season, and it was always going to be an uphill battle following unlucky injuries to key players and the constant presence of Matt Orford. Orford will not partake any further in the 2011 as he prepares to undergo groin surgery after falling off one of those Dance Dance Revolution games at Timezone. Daniel Vidot will also miss this weekend’s game to recover from a grade three-level bad haircut and a nasty case of whiplash caused by watching people run past him during last week’s loss to the Knights.

Souths were lucky to escape a great fightback from the Eels last week, who just failed to make up the Bunnies’56-point head start, finishing 50 points short. They’ll have to be more alert this week, with the pillow-handed defensive line of the Raiders looking to upset the Rabbits’ finals dream. Reports from the Raiders sheds indicate that they’re going to tire Inglis and Merrit out – seventeen length of the field tries tends to take it out of you.

This guy looks pretty happy to have been Photoshopped into the Raiders for Canberra Appreciation Month

MEB cumulative score: 95

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