Thursday, May 19, 2011

NRL Round 11: Shmate of Shmorigin

First of all, I have no fucking idea what happened to my font and formatting for last week’s blog; when I posted it the whole thing looked fine – so fine, in fact, that I was tempted to make sweet, sweet love to it (but didn’t) (yes I did) – and when I checked it sometime over the weekend to boost my blog ranking, the whole thing looked shithouse. So I apologise if people out there were waiting for my all-knowing knowledge and feel let down. If you feel this way, I give you permission to yell abuse at me when you drive past me on the street. Sometimes my awesomeness exceeds the limits that ‘default settings’ can allow.

Onto Round Eleven!

The teams for State of Origin (part 1) were announced on the weekend, with a couple of positions raising a few eyebrows (personally, I raised three) with their choice of personnel to fill out a jumper. On the NSW front, I wouldn’t have picked Michael Jennings over Jamal Idris for starters, and in a discussion that I dreamt about, Jennings agrees.

“My form has been pretty shithouse for a few weeks now, MEB,” said Jennings. “Sometimes I’m not even sure if I have been playing, such is the low impact of my performances this year. Besides, if you had to choose between a bloke called Michael and a guy called Jamal, who would you pick?"

"An excellent point. I also think that the name Jamal would take away the power of Jharal, who is making his Origin debut."

"Jharal is a pretty special name. It's not quite a name or word AND it has an H in it that doesn't really belong."

"Michael Jennings, thanks for your time."

"No worries MEB. By the way, I play for Penrith.”

"Sure you do."

Then he turned into a peacock and flew away, and I know that peacocks can’t actually do that. That’s how I knew I was in a dream and I was getting all Inception on myself.

The State of Origin award for Most Sought After Position was given to the fullback slot, and Josh “I’ll play when I want to” Dugan accepted the award in place of Jarryd “Superfluous Y” Hayne (make that two), while the All My Team Mates Get A Game, What About Me? trophy was given to Dean Young, despite the fact there are about forty-seven better hookers in the NRL at any given time.

QLD were dealt a couple of blows (hehe) with their centre pairing of Greg “Me Get More Money Now” Inglis and Justin “Pass the ball? Never heard of it” Hodges being ruled out with wallet strains. A couple of numpties were brought in to replace them in the shape of Dane “Who?” Neilson and Willie “Oh that guy” Tonga. If NSW have any balls at all (TBC), they should throw the ball wide to Gasnier from the kick-off and let him dance around both of these guys in a 90m run, in a somewhat similar fashion to “the Girdler try” of the 2000 series.

State of Origin is a special time. It stirs up an ancient magic called Queenslander Pride, which works like Roger Ramjet’s Proton-Energy Pills, and anyone wearing a maroon-coloured shirt gains superhuman powers. I honestly think that the superpowers are more in the form of being better footy players than the opposition, but if you explain that to a Queenslander, you just get grunted at before they head off to scratch their back against the bark of a tree. God bless you, Queenslanders. You truly are an evolutionary miracle.

So with the whole shebang about Origin, there’s another split round this week as the NSW and QLD players head into camp to train, bond, rape, pillage and plunder. Some teams will feel the loss more than others, but they deserve it for hogging all the talented players.

Tigers v Panthers
Warriors v Rabbitohs
Roosters v Knights
Eels v Sharks

Canberra vs Bulldogs

Another shithouse performance by the Raiders last week saw them remain cemented on the… wait… what? They won? Well fuck me in the eye with a spanner.

This is undoubtedly the beginning of a charge to the Grand Final for the mighty Green Machine as they dig deep and find some Territory Pride in the pits of their stomach to notch up another win. The Raiders are on a bit of a roll, having won their last game and now have one victory in a row, equalling their best performance so far from this year set in round one.

Seriously, get on board the Green Wagon. It’s not going to stop.

The Wolfman was in an instant coma after 'planking' and has only just woken up

MEB cumulative score: 42

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