Thursday, May 12, 2011

NRL Round 10: Back to bidness

After the short round last week, we’re back into the swing of the regular season for Round 10. There are still a few question marks over some of these games though, as players start resting themselves for representative honours with the State of Origin squads to be named in the next few days.

On the topic of Origin, a player I’d like to stab in the face with a ball-point pen and then kick in the throat a few times while he tries to extract said pen from his eye socket (ew) is Mark Gasnier. “Gaz” is a disgrace to Gaz’s all over the world as he has pulled out of this round’s game against the Doggies but has declared himself “right” for Origin. In fact, Mark Fuckbag Gaz Gasnier has even been picked as a front-runner for the NSW captaincy.

Oh, I’m sorry Fuckbag - if you want to win Lotto, you have to buy a ticket. You can’t just waltz into the newsagent and demand your $20 million (I’ve tried, it just doesn’t work). Gaz is a shining example of a major scourge in the NRL at the moment – too many self-appointed fucking champions of the world who think they deserve knighthoods just for turning up, lobbing a ball around and then limping off with a “niggling hamstring injury” before returning the week after to play a shithouse team where they can star. You want to play Origin, dickhead? Turn up and play well for your club. You want the captaincy, fuckbag? Try showing a bit of leadership. Sometimes it takes more than a face four-times-too-small-for-your-head to achieve things in life; you may have to actually work for this one.

Such a waste - there are starving African children who have no heads, and Gas has this monstrosity

Other news around the traps states that the Sharks “may sledge” Todd Carney in his return game for the Roosters this week. Wow Sharks, you guys are rad. In another breaking story, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. Any team that doesn’t sledge Carney should be delisted from the NRL and sent back to the lesbian hippie commune that they came from.

This is how you sledge

Bulldogs v Dragons
Panthers v Broncos
Cowboys v Eels
Rabbitohs v Tigers
Knights v Warriors
Sharks v Roosters
Titans v Sea Eagles

Storm vs Raiders
Canberra coach Dave Furner has been watching his back every time he leaves his house this week as the Raiders fans yearn for his blood following a fairly fucking disastrous start to the season. However, he has pulled what will prove itself to be either ‘a master stroke,’ ‘another monumental fuck-up,’ ‘sheer laziness,’ or 'I don't give a fuck anymore' in naming the same side to play the Storm that lost 20-0 to Manly.

I guess there’s really not much else to try other than to keep the same idiots on the field to get some kind of continuity going. As the saying goes, “if a million monkeys typed on a million typewriters for a million years, they would write the complete works of Shakespeare.” The Raiders have a roster of seventeen monkeys and about eighty minutes to put together a decent game of footy. As much as I love them, I can’t help but think they'll need a few extra monkeys and a bit more time to notch up a win this week. And a tank.

MEB cumulative score: 38

No comments: