Thursday, May 05, 2011

NRL 2011 Round 9: It’s Bin a Big Week

With the events of the last seven days, it’s hard to imagine that life will ever be quite the same again. It has been an historic part of our lives, and depending on which way you look at it, it’s either the end of a chapter, or the beginning of a whole new story.

Sometimes writing about rugby league teams facing off against each other seems fairly insignificant when you think about it, especially when you consider what we have experienced in the last week. And as the USA celebrates, the rest of the world can only wonder “what’s next?”

I just cannot believe that Mariah Carey has given birth to twins.
I thought (hoped) she was dead.

Round 9 of the NRL marks the beginning of the “Representative Season” as the Kangaroos take on the Kiwis, City takes on Country, the State of Origin teams get named and the St Mary’s Under-12 round-robin tournament begins. As a result, there’s only a handful (or two handfuls if you have small hands) of regular NRL games to tip this week, many of which will be difficult pick as the exact make-up of each side will be uncertain until kick-off and will probably have more players from the Under-12s than regular first-graders in any case.

I tipped a full round last week (and a big FUCK YOU to everyone who said my tips were all shit and I’d be better off practicing my blow job technique on a loaded shotgun THANKS VERY MUCH MUM) so the pressure is on this week to continue my winning ways.

In interesting NRL news, the video referee has been stood down for this round following repeated poor performances this year. I’m pretty sure this is the first time in the history of sport that a piece of equipment has been sent to the reserve grade to hone their technique.

“Sorry Schumacher, you’re performing quite well, but your car is out for the next race. Good luck with that.”
“The Bulls and the Knicks will contest this game without a ball, who has been relegated following disciplinary action.”
“Hey Ponting, we think that your bat is in good touch, but you really aren’t up to scratch, so we’re sending you to Shield cricket for a few weeks. Also, your box has been made captain. And your left pad is vice.”

Australia vs NZ
City vs Country
Broncos vs Storm
vs Warriors
Dragons vs Cowboys

Sea Eagles vs Raiders

Dear Raiders,

Thank you for your application to be the spokespeople for Johnson & Johnson’s Cotton Wool Balls. Unfortunately, you have been deemed ‘too soft’ for this role and your application will not progress any further.


Some Cotton Wool Making Guy at Johnson & Johnson’s

Last week’s performance by the mighty mighty mighty fucking fucked-up fucking Raiders rates amongst their worst ever, and they will be keen to restore a bit of pride as they attempt to avoid equalling their all-time losing streak.

For the stoush against Manly this week, both teams have a few players backing up from rep games, so this should be a fairly evenly-contested contest that will be contested fairly evenly. However, since it’s the Raiders, they will all injure themselves in the warm-up to the City-Country extravaganza (possibly stepping off the bus and breaking a pelvis) and should carry on their excellent form from this year and come away with another resounding loss. Come on boys, you can do it. EIGHT IN A ROW WOO!

Seriously Raiders, I love you. But you’re bringing me down.

Canberra prop Dave Shillington tries out the new training gear at Raiders HQ to strengthen his index fingers.

MEB cumulative score: 35

No comments: