Sorry - my computer has been fucked all week. Stupid fucking computers.
This week’s tips are in 3-D. OOOOOOH. AAAAAAAAH. What a waaaaank.
Broncos vs Tigers
The Broncos have a thousand players out due to Origin duty; the Tigers… not so much. The Baby Broncos may have the swagger but not enough substance to knock off the Tiges this week. Just don’t expect too much from anyone and you might not be let down.
Sharks vs Bulldogs
For some reason, the Sharks’ go-to man Trent Barrett has not only been called up again for Origin duties, but has been named as the captain. It makes me think that my State of Origin debut (as captain/coach) can’t be too far away. Without Trent to sort them out, the Sharks will flounder like floundering flounders and the Doggies will take the points in what promises to be a monumental shitfest of a game.
Raiders vs Roosters
Todd Carney, the leakiest man in the world, is coming back to the nation’s capital. I am salivating on myself like the rabid Raiders supporter that I am at the chance to lean over the fence and yell streams of abuse at the human fire extinguisher, but the Raiders have been playing so abysmally poorly of late that I just can’t tip them. My money is on the Chooks, but I’ll still be prepared to dance like a spastic if the Green Machine springs an upset. I might even give Josh Dugan a lift to the game.
Warriors vs Eels
Oh Christ, I don’t know. Warriors. Just because I don’t like the Eels, and the Warriors really don’t do enough to warrant being hated by anyone. And if I don’t hate them, they must be doing something right. I fucking hate everyone (except Brett Mullins).
Dragons vs Panthers
HOLY CRAP THIS GAME WILL BE AWESOME except it won’t, because it’s Origin week and all of the best players will be away from club footy. Ergo, flip a coin. Mine says Panthers, but I’m thinking of tipping the Saints anyway, just because I like that Soward fella. But not in the same way that I like Brett Mullins.
QLD vs NSW
NSW have brought back "the bash brothers" Gallen and Bird to try and scare the Queensland pack. You. Are. Kidding. Right? Right. Gallen and Bird are scary to two people in the world: The girls that they beat up and smashed in the face with glasses. Last time I checked, those girls weren't part of the QLD team, so the Blues can expect another desmolishment.
And that’s the way the tips go.