Bulldogs vs Eels
Do dogs like to eat fish, or do fish poison dogs when they eat them? This is the question we must ponder for this stoush, and it’s not an easy one to answer. And so I won’t. The Eels will win this one on the back of recent good form and general fortune from Jarryd “The Hayne Train” Hayne.
Dragons vs Titans
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS... and the Dragons. Flying fire-breathers. BANG BANG BANG. I don’t think I need to explain anything further.
Raiders vs Sharks
There are few certainties in tipping rugby league, and one of them is on show this weekend – the loss of a coach and the sudden turnaround of form. Ricky Stuart pissed off from the Sharkies earlier in the week due to them being fucking terrible. This should automatically grant them a win, but the Raiders are shit hot at the moment and nothing will stop them from rampaging into the top eight, rolling the Sharkies this weekend by a billion. Seriously. A billion. Look for Joel “Big Deal Around Here” Monaghan to score at least seventy-nine thousand tries. And look for Adam “I’m Shit” Mogg not to.
Cowboys vs Knights
This is historic – I am tipping the Cowboys, because I like men in arseless pants. It’s handy that the Cowbs will have their butts to the open air, because it will make it easier for the Knights to kiss them. Fucking stupid Knights.
Storm vs Panthers
The Panthers are impressing no-one lately, not even their own mums, despite sitting in second place on the ladder. It’s also fairly impossible to know what the hell the Storm are doing these days, other than spending trillions of dollars that they shouldn’t have. Weighing up these factual facts that I haven’t made up or embellished at all, I’ve decided to tip the Storm for no apparent reason.
Rabbitohs vs Warriors
The Bunnies are playing like men possessed lately, despite not being able to buy a victory from a two-dollar shop with a low-interest gold credit card. They’ve got my money this week though, even though I kind of have a soft spot for those Warriors. I think it’s because of all the apostrophes and vowels in their names.
Manly vs Tigers
Today I did something I’m not proud of – I tipped Manly. I just think that the Tigers have been really lucky to have won the games that they have, and that’s about to end. Don’t judge me. Also, I had a burrito for lunch and it was really nice.
Broncos vs Roosters
I don’t think I can go against the Broncos at the moment – without checking any stats, results or scorelines, the Broncos are playing out of their skins right now. Add that to the fact that I hate a lot of the Roosters players, and it’s a fairly easy decision to make.
The albino kid who let his mum cut his hair just wants to be part of the team
Don't tip my tips, my tippy tippy tips, I just don't think you'd understand.