After five rounds of league, we’re starting to see which teams are actually any good, and which ones are filled with players who are waiting to finish their contract so they can be bought by a better club for more money and not get injured. And then there’s the Sharks, who are like the Little Red Engine Who Could’s retarded cousin the Little Red Engine Who Couldn’t. I’d feel sorry for the Sharks if they didn’t deserve being hated.
Tigers vs Bulldogs
I don’t think anyone in the world should need to consult the Magic Eight Ball for this puppy – the Tigers should quite comfortably desmolish the Doggies by around twelve billion points. If the Dogs get close at all, Benji Marshall will lock the brakes on Kimmorley’s wheelchair and put an end to any thought of a resurgence.
Titans vs Dragons
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Dragons, which is one of a few decent games this weekend. This is a tough game for me to pick, because I hate both of these teams quite a lot. But I hate the Titans more, and I also think that the Dragons are a better team. That wasn’t that hard at all, actually.
Knights vs Cowboys
Hurm. One of the most overrated players in history is coming back for the Knights this week (Gidley), while an equally overrated (but also slightly more talented) player in Thurston is out for the Cowboys. Gidley reckons he should be picked as captain for the NSW State of Origin team; personally, I’d like him to play a game before big-noting himself too much. I wouldn’t even pick him as the kid who runs the team out for the kick-off. Um… I’ll tip the Cowboys. I don’t know why.
Roosters vs Raiders
Raiders fans will be salivating at the thought of this game, as bad-boy Todd Carney faces up against his old team for the first time. Hopefully Josh Dugan will piss on his face in backplay at some stage. The Chooks have no chance (NO CHANCE) against a red-hot Canberra outfit (they do, but I’m not fucking picking them)
Warriors vs Panthers
“The Warriors show great potential, but need to concentrate more. They are easily distracted and lack direction, and their results often show this. When they apply themselves to task, they excel in their work, as seen in their previous game.”
“The Panthers have shown themselves to be a dutiful team this year, quietly achieving good results with a minimum of fuss. With further encouragement, the Panthers could become Chief Justices of the Supreme Court.”
Broncos vs Sharks
Oh god, who cares? No one, that’s who.
Eels vs Rabbits
The Eels are playing terribly badly at the moment. They reckon they’ve fixed this problem by making Nathan Hindmarsh co-captain with Nathan Cayless. I’m not entirely convinced that picking captains just because their name is Nathan is going to help anyone, but I’m willing to be proven wrong. I’m sticking with the Wabbits though.
Storm vs Manly
Neither of these teams are setting the world on fire this year, despite the Storm dropping their first game last week. To be perfectly francis, I’d like to set both of these teams on fire. But if that doesn't happen (I'm busy this weekend), Jamie Lyon coming in for the Sea Eagles will no doubt have a major influence on Manly's ability to lose the game. I’m picking the Storm, unless Billy Slater’s metamorphosis into becoming a rat finishes – in which case he will be busy teaching ninjitsu to some turtles in a sewer and will no doubt be unavailable for the game.
Tigers vs Bulldogs
I don’t think anyone in the world should need to consult the Magic Eight Ball for this puppy – the Tigers should quite comfortably desmolish the Doggies by around twelve billion points. If the Dogs get close at all, Benji Marshall will lock the brakes on Kimmorley’s wheelchair and put an end to any thought of a resurgence.
Titans vs Dragons
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Dragons, which is one of a few decent games this weekend. This is a tough game for me to pick, because I hate both of these teams quite a lot. But I hate the Titans more, and I also think that the Dragons are a better team. That wasn’t that hard at all, actually.
Knights vs Cowboys
Hurm. One of the most overrated players in history is coming back for the Knights this week (Gidley), while an equally overrated (but also slightly more talented) player in Thurston is out for the Cowboys. Gidley reckons he should be picked as captain for the NSW State of Origin team; personally, I’d like him to play a game before big-noting himself too much. I wouldn’t even pick him as the kid who runs the team out for the kick-off. Um… I’ll tip the Cowboys. I don’t know why.
Roosters vs Raiders
Raiders fans will be salivating at the thought of this game, as bad-boy Todd Carney faces up against his old team for the first time. Hopefully Josh Dugan will piss on his face in backplay at some stage. The Chooks have no chance (NO CHANCE) against a red-hot Canberra outfit (they do, but I’m not fucking picking them)
Warriors vs Panthers
“The Warriors show great potential, but need to concentrate more. They are easily distracted and lack direction, and their results often show this. When they apply themselves to task, they excel in their work, as seen in their previous game.”
“The Panthers have shown themselves to be a dutiful team this year, quietly achieving good results with a minimum of fuss. With further encouragement, the Panthers could become Chief Justices of the Supreme Court.”
Broncos vs Sharks
Oh god, who cares? No one, that’s who.
Eels vs Rabbits
The Eels are playing terribly badly at the moment. They reckon they’ve fixed this problem by making Nathan Hindmarsh co-captain with Nathan Cayless. I’m not entirely convinced that picking captains just because their name is Nathan is going to help anyone, but I’m willing to be proven wrong. I’m sticking with the Wabbits though.
Storm vs Manly
Neither of these teams are setting the world on fire this year, despite the Storm dropping their first game last week. To be perfectly francis, I’d like to set both of these teams on fire. But if that doesn't happen (I'm busy this weekend), Jamie Lyon coming in for the Sea Eagles will no doubt have a major influence on Manly's ability to lose the game. I’m picking the Storm, unless Billy Slater’s metamorphosis into becoming a rat finishes – in which case he will be busy teaching ninjitsu to some turtles in a sewer and will no doubt be unavailable for the game.
The transformation is almost complete
Time keeps on tipping, tipping, tipping into the future.
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