Friday, April 23, 2010

Round 7: Magic Eight Ball Magic

Tipping made easy

Last week’s tips didn’t quite all work out as well as I would have liked them to. The Raiders were only 30 points away from causing an upset, the Storm were too busy thinking of ways to spend an extra $700,000 to realise they had a game to play, and the Rabbitohs decided to go back to being shit. This week though, it’s serious. There’s pride and guts and balls and other shit on the line here. I’m so serious about this week that I’m trusting my Magic Eight Ball to come up with the winners.

Bulldogs vs Broncos
“Will the Bulldogs beat the Broncos?” My Magic Eight Ball has declared this one as “Hazy, please ask again later.” I’m on a tight schedule here, so I asked it again immediately. “It is so.” Can’t argue with that. Doggies by a dozen. A good start by the Ball.

Cowboys vs Eels
"Will the Eels beat the Cowboys?" I ask the Ball. “Don’t count on it,” is the reply. I feel bad for going against the Ball, but I'm going to anyway. Fucking Cowboys.

Panthers vs Tigers
This should actually be a good game. I asked the Ball whether it would be, but it said that it was unlikely. That’s a shame; they’re both playing good footy right now. “Should I tip the Panthers?” I ask the Ball. “My sources say no,” is the reply. Fuck it; I have a feeling about them, so there’s my tip.

Sharks vs Knights
I’m going out on a limb and saying that the Knights will thump the Sharkies… but let’s see what the higher forces say: “Will the Knights win?” “Cannot predict now.” “How about now?” “I predict no.” I reckon this Ball is a bit fucked, actually. This was a bad idea. I’m tipping the Knights.

Raiders vs Rabbitohs
The Raiders and the Rabbits - two teams who put on a great display of sucking last week. Who will pull it back together in time for this clash? “Raiders?” I ask. “It is certain,” says the Ball. I’d better double check this result, so I ask it, “Rabbits?” “Outlook good,” says the Ball. Fuck you, Ball, you fucking fence-sitting fuck. Raiders for me.

Dragons vs Roosters
“Is Todd Carney a fuckbag?” I ask the Ball, more for shits and giggles than anything. “Ask again later,” is the response. I’m beginning to hate the Ball. “Will the Dragons win?” I ask it. “Better not tell you now.” Now would actually be a good time, francisly speaking. “Should I tip the Roosters?” “Yes, definitely.” I think the Ball is now playing with my emotions. I’m tipping St George. This experiment hasn’t really worked.

Storm vs Warriors
Ok Ball, let’s try again. “Storm to win?” “Reply hazy, try again.” Things are very hazy in there indeed, it seems. I give the Ball a quick polish and ask, “Are you still hazy?” “As I see it, yes.” I could be waiting a while for this thing to unhaze itself, so I’m just going to tip the Storm and be done with it. To hell with their salary cap shenanigans, I reckon they’re going to be fairly pissed off. I almost feel sorry for our Kiwi cousins.

Manly vs Titans
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Sea Eagles. This game could also be a decent contest, if Manly’s form last week can stick around. What do you think, Mr Ball? “Yes, definitely.” Well that’s just lovely. “Do you think the Titans will win?” “Outlook not so good.” Finally a good call from the Ball. However, I am going to tip the upset and go for the Titans. Sorry Ball.

Should I have put more faith in the Ball? “My sources say no.” Awesome.

Tip tip hooray!

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