Friday, March 20, 2009

Tipster Evil Breakfast - Round Two

Welcome Sportsfans! Round 2 is upon us already – snuck up on me a bit, to be honest. I was just getting over the excitement of Round 1, having a few drinks with Brett Seymour , and all of a sudden it’s Friday. There’s a few days in there that I can’t quite remember (Monday through Thursday are a smidge blurry), but hopefully I made it into work and got paid at some stage.

If not, I’ll just take my life savings ($8.52) down to the TAB and slap my money on:

Rabbits vs Eels
The Bunnies looked shit-hot last week – the Eels just looked shit. Whether the ol’ green and reds (I feel sorry for colour-blind South Sydney supporters) can continue on their high from last week is anyone’s guess. My guess is “yes.” I am also predicting that the Eels will spend most of the 2009 season praying to the patron saint of hurt, humiliation and hangovers (and strangely, beekeepers), St. Ruggletown. This week, Rabbitohs by 18.

Broncos vs Storm
Both teams won their respective games in Round 1 by a single point, so it’s kind of hard to drive a wedge between the Horses and the Rain. No members of either of these teams have been involved in any drinking-related shenanigans this week, which is disappointing. As far as I know, no one has been to the judiciary for dodgy tackles. What are the media doing, if not picking holes in professional sportos? My money’s on the Storm. By 7. That’s right, it’s all about the field goal.

Dragons vs Titans
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Dragons. I hate them both… but the Titans I hate a teensy bit less. So go them. But really, I wouldn’t mind if this game was cancelled and the circus came to town instead. Titans by… eh. 8.

Panthers vs Bulldogs
Bulldogs are funny looking creatures, really. I think they can be cute as all hell, but they ARE pretty weird dogs. Apparently they are so genetically fucked up through generations of inbreeding and shit that they can’t have sex without some human assistance. It’s those sorts of facts that make me wonder why I would ever complain about my job. Bulldogs by 10.

Cowboys vs Tigers
This is a tough one to call; it’s one of those games that could either go down to the wire, or either team could run up 60 points. I’ve picked the Cowboys, for no real reason. They looked ok last week for the four seconds that I watched the highlights. North QLD by 6.

Raiders vs Roosters
Apparently after last week’s “game” between Souths and the Roosters, the Souths players were all breathalysed. For what reason, pray tell? The fact that they just beat one of the competition heavyweights by 40 points? Perhaps the officials would have been better to make sure that the Rooters were sober. The Raiders were awesome last week against the Tigers, cleverly losing the game in the last 15 minutes to make sure that their ‘for and against’ tally didn’t look too intimidating to the rest of the competition. They won’t do that again this week. Canberra to crush them like ants.

Manly vs Warriors
After a turbulent week of exactly seven days, Manly didn’t really bother playing in Round 1 and fucked up most people’s tips. If they do it again, I’m going to severely hurt Cliff Lyons, despite the fact that he’s been retired for about a thousand years. And after that, I’m going after Geoff Toovey. I’ve got a rat-trap and some cheese, and I think that should take care of the little rat. Fuck you, Manly. You’d better win. By 12.

Sharks vs Knights
This is another “meh” game of the round – either team could win, and nobody would care which. The Sharkies got up last week, but have since lost most of their team to alcoholism and injury (not drinking-related injuries however). Sad that Ben Cross might not be able to play again due to some spinal damage – so for this week, I’m going on the Sharkies to “do it for Ben” and get up by 16 points.

And that’ll do me. Welcome to the weekend. Thank Christ that it’s finally here. Thanks, Jesus. (“You’re welcome.”)

No comments: