Tuesday, December 16, 2008

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Three ways to get rich

There’s been a disturbing amount of money being won on TV game shows for doing absolutely fuck all lately. I’m talking about The Rich List, Deal or No Deal and Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? The average punter walks about with about $30,000 that they didn’t fully deserve. If you’re struggling a smidge with Christmas expenses, here’s a way to fill some stockings:

The Rich List (which I’ve reviewed before) is a piece of piss. You name groups of things and earn money. Countries with a ‘Y’ in their name. Movies starring Harrison Ford. Songs by the Beatles. Things found on an Eight-Meats Pizza. Fucking easy. Anyone who doesn’t walk away from this show with a billion dollars should be taken to Steve Irwin’s animal park and fed to a giant squid. Also, Steve Irwin’s animal park should get a giant squid.

Deal or No Deal (also discussed on here at some point) apparently has an allergic reaction to not giving money away. The game is pure luck, but hey; play it halfway smart and you should walk away with a veritable goatload of cash. When did receiving $15,000 from a half-hour show become commonplace? I’d fucking love $15,000 right about now. I’d buy a ninja with it.

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? is possibly the worst one on this list. Is the world getting stupider? When a grown man who presumably holds down a $50,000+ a year job can’t identify the verbs in a sentence, there is something seriously wrong with humanity. The worst part of this game show is that you don’t actually have to do anything for the first three questions due to the generous “lifelines” that are given to each contestant. Let your fifth-grade partner answer for you, and bingo – you’ve just won somewhere near $20,000. If I ever get on this show, I am going to play Nintendo while the kids answer those three questions for me. Then I’d take my cheque, thank everyone for their time and buy a shitload of cheese. I fucking love cheese.

Three ways to get rich, too many beers and a bright shiny new crowbar.


Anonymous said...

Perhaps you should buy a ninja made of Gouda with all that money. That way, if he fucks up on assignment you can eat him.

Mister Evil Breakfast said...

Real ninjas don't fuck up, so if I did get a defective gouda ninja, that sucker would be eaten with crackers before he could reach for his Jatz ninja stars.