Wednesday, December 24, 2008

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Eleven words of awesome

The English language is full of shit words and phrases like “at the end of the day”, “tummy”, “bi-curious” and “emoticon”. I have written some new words and phrases that have received the Mister Evil Breakfast Stamp of Approval for Being Awesome (MEBSOAFBA).

Humping the calcium turtle: A way to describe events that you can't really remember due to extreme alcohol consumption. ("I was humping the calcium turtle on the weekend." / "How did you get your fridge up on the roof?" "I was humping the calcium turtle.")

Badger in a wetsuit / whore in church / goat on a pole / ferret in a disco: These are all expressions of heat and give the impression that you are sweating. (“Mate, it’s a bit warm today; I’m sweating like a badger in a wetsuit.” / “I was so nervous, I was sweating like a whore in church.”)

Aussie cricket team: To get the job done, albeit poorly and past the due date. (His report was a bit Aussie cricket team, but he was happy it was over.)

1. An extreme measurement. ("I was as sore as a goat." / "It's as hot as a goat out here." / "The stockmarket fell a goatload today.")
2. An undisclosed part of the human body. ("I'll punch you in the goat." / "My goat is as sore as a goat.")

S M Mess: The state of inebriation where you can no longer use text-messaging, but dammit if you aren't going to try.

Twenty bucks: The right price to make a bad story interesting. ("I saw a red car... and then I found twenty bucks.")

Eggs for breakfast: Something that sounds like a tempting idea, but from previous experience, is known to be fairly dicey. (It was that time of the night when the idea of another beer was eggs for breakfast.)

Mahoosive: Extremely large – this is like the word ‘massive’, but bigger.

Alpha sheep: Person who unexpectedly leads people to action. (The buffet table was untouched as the guests waited for the arrival of an Alpha Sheep).

Four day arse: An offensive smell. (After the road-trip, the boys smelt like four-day arse).

Bediddle: A car with one headlight brighter than the other. Is also an alternative for the classic “punchbuggy” game.

Eleven words of awesome, ten ads-a-crapping, nine nerds a-rofling, eight cancelled shows, seven bumper stickers, six Ponting problems, five drinking games, four random reviews, three ways to get rich, too many beers and a bright shiny new crowbar.

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