What a week. They say that no man is bigger than the game, but I think this week has proved that is not the case. All eyes are on one player who has a huge decision in front of him, and the eyes of the NRL are on him as he weighs up his options.
Will Anthony Milford get KFC or McDonalds?
I don’t know why Milford is pissing me off so much, but that fat little wombat is like the NRL’s own Kardashian – he turns up, does nothing, gets paid a ton, marries Kanye West, demands more money, gets more money, continues to do nothing and keeps collecting his paycheck. Without a doubt, he is the weakest player in the Brisbane roster at the moment, afraid to take a tackle, unable to make a tackle, throws horrible passes, kicks like a drunken, retarded emu, and has the ball-handling skills of a lesbian. The fact that he got beaten to the ball by Sam fucking Thaiday to score the Broncos' try last week speaks volumes. Lucky for Milf that his halves partner, Ben Hunt, is in some 2015 form and carrying the playmaking role for the both of them. Unlucky for Milf is that Hunt is leaving at the end of the year to join the Dragons. Lucky for Milf is that Brisbane are throwing untold amounts of money, houses, boats,
third-party-agreements at anyone who has ever been dubbed “pretty good”, so he
will continue to get fatter, slower and more useless, meanwhile picking up
money until his legs literally fall off due to diabetes.
If the Broncos can’t find a decent halfback to take over Hunt next year, it will be a dark, crispy-skinned, slow-cooked mess of a year, coated in dollops of disappointment and served with a side of fuck you Milf.
Oh, and the answer to the question above: both, because he’s a fat cunt.
Also, Cooper Cronk will probably retire this year.
Broncos (1.80) vs Roosters (2.05)
My two favourite things in the world are to watch the Broncos lose, and also to watch the Roosters lose, so tonight’s game is just going to be great for me. Both teams will be keen to make amends after dropping games they probably should have won (also ruined my tipping score, but they may not take that into account). I’m going to say that the Roosters will win, but I really don’t know why.
Newcastle (2.60) vs Canterbury (1.52)
Fuck it, go Knights (but I’m tipping Canterbury).
Penrith (1.65) vs Souths (2.30)
The Pennies had a bit of a Barry during the week by going out and getting sozzled when the coach said “hey guys good game tonight pity we lost but thats ok we can try again next week see you at training and oh i almost forgot dont get sozzled k” so he’s given the arse to half the team. Good on him, I reckon. As a result, I’m thinking that Souths might just limp over the line for this one. They haven’t been too far away from winning lately to be honest, and I reckon an under-strength Penrith side is going to feel the wrath of whoever plays for the Bunnies these days.
Manly (1.52) vs St George (2.60)
I think we can all agree that the Saints have been a success story this year – even if they don’t win again for the rest of the season, they have exceeded all expectations already. They are solid across the whole field, without having too many stand-out superstars except for Paul Vaughan (I love you Paul, please come home). Manly have also been a classic Disney underdog story, mainly through that long-necked fuck in the halfline and the Trbojevic
twins brothers twins oh
fuck I don’t know, I’m just happy that I spelled their name right.
Gold Coast (2.95) vs Canberra (1.42)
WOOO RAIDERS WOOOOO IF THEY DON’T WIN THEY SHOULD BE FORCED TO PLAY FOR ST GEORGE OR SENT TO QUEANBEYAN WOOO THE TITANS ALL INJURED THEMSELVES BECAUSE SPENDING A FEW YEARS IN TRACTION WITH A BROKEN SPINE IS MORE APPEALING THAN FACING THE FLOGGING THAT THEY’LL GET THIS WEEKEND WOOO
North Queensland (1.17) vs Wests Tigers (5.50)
Hehehehe. At the price they’re paying, punters should throw their coin on the Tigers – the Cowboys could possibly go into this game a bit underdone as they come up against a team with a new coach, a disinterested half-line, a marshmallow forward pack, the world’s worst edge defence, no kicking game, no depth and I have it on good authority that they all pick their nose and eat it. The scoreboard attendant will be the busiest bloke in Australia on Saturday night. Also, Mitch Moses has a girls bike with a basket on the front that has flowers on it.
Warriors (1.75) vs Parramatta (2.15)
I don’t know why the Warriors are favourites to win this game. I don’t think they’re even their mum’s favourites. Parra FTW, yo.
Melbourne Cronks (1.45) vs Cronulla (2.85)
Cronk cronk cronky cronk cronkity cronkcronk. Cooper cronk cronk coop coop cooper cronk cronky cronk-cronk. Cronk cronk? Cooperdicoopcoop cooper cronk.
What I said last week vs What happened last week:
This will be the Broncos easiest game by a long shot. Oops.
Can they (Manly) back it up against a premiership heavyweight (Roosters)? Probably not. Probably can, actually.
This game will not do anything for anyone (Cronulla vs Newcastle) Actually, I think I was on-point here. Kind of like Cronulla, but they were ONE point. Geddit?
Put a sneaky tenner on Slater to get over the line. Or you could take financial advice from someone else. It’s your choice.
…if you’re going to come last, then come fucking last and don’t even bother trying to win (Wests Tigers) I was right about this one. Hooray!
|A love letter sent to Josh Dugan. I swear I didn't write it|