Thursday, May 12, 2016

NRL 2016 - Round 10: The week in league

Well, after the excitement of the Representative Round, we’re back into the Nitty McFucking Gritty of the NRL, and we can ignore minor setbacks like having to play for your country and concentrate on what really counts:  being picked to play for your state.  With about three weeks to go before State of Origin commences, it’s an exciting time in the NRL as players who have been coasting start to turn up (oh hi Greg Inglis how are you doing today i see you’ve come to play football well isn’t that nice where the fuck have you been for the last 11 weeks?), it’s the moment where an injured hamstring swings the momentum of the season OR YOUR LIFE, and it’s the part of the year where we once again ask:  Where are all the good NSW halfbacks?

The Parramatta salary cap saga, or as the Australian media has dubbed it, “Parramatta-salary-cap-saga-gate”, seems to have run its course fairly naturally and everyone is happy again.  The Eels are now a couple of players lighter and five officials better off, the NRL has been seen to be kind-of-harsh-but-still-a-bit-of-a-pushover, and every team has been bumped up one slot as Parra fall to the bottom of the ladder.  The biggest speculation was about the future of promising young hooker Nathan Peats, who has been picked up by the Titans for the next 18 months.  The Gold Coast team now boast a playing roster that includes Nathan Friend, Kierran Moseley, Daniel Mortimer, Matt Srama and now Nathan Peats, proving that the Titans really are blowing all of their money on hookers and cocaine.

In other speculation and hearsay that I won’t spread, a recent report states that Manly gave players inositol during the 2011 season – inositol is a drug that is banned in horse racing.  I don’t see the problem here.  Rugby league is not horse racing.  That’s like saying that Ricky Ponting used a cricket bat during his career as an Australian cricketer, and cricket bats are also banned in horse racing.  As far as I’m concerned, Manly are being unfairly targeted because they’re Manly and no one likes them.  Except for Brett Stewart and Steve Matai; those guys are guilty as fuck.

St George vs Canberra

Well, the Raiders were robbed by another shitty refereeing decision.  But fuck it, you can’t blame the ref all the time; if you can’t win because of one two dodgy calls, you weren’t truly winning anyway.  St George were done over for the first time in ten years by the Warriors, who had the majority of their players missing due to disciplinary reasons.  That’s gotta hurt.  Benji Marshall is back for the Dragons this week, which cements the tip of Raiders by a cool dozen.

Parra vs Souths

I read a report that Souths coach Madge Maguire is contemplating moving Inglis to five-eighth for this game, which is a great move if they really are intent on losing by a thousand points.  Inglis can’t handle the movement of the game from fullback, so having him waste space in the centre of the field as he passes to the person on his immediate left for eighty minutes is just ludicrous.  If there was ever a game for Parramatta to get over their shit week, this is it.  My money is on the Eels, mainly because they cheat, but also because Souths are in a world of hurt this year.

Penrith vs Warriors

After Penrith’s millionth 1-point win of the season, we have to ponder the question:  are they bad at being good, or good at being bad?  These things keep me awake at night.

Melbourne vs North Queensland

Two of the biggest, bestest teams in the comp face off, and it might be the Stillnox and Red Bull cocktail that I just pounded talking, but this one gets my “Who Gives A Fuck?” match of the round.  I’m sure it will be an entertaining game and all… but really… who gives a fuck?  Queenslanders, that’s who.

Manly vs Brisbane

In their last game, the Broncos found it difficult in the first half to face up against the Sharks, complaining of a “giant ball of fire” in the sky.  Once darkness had set though, they became a completely different team, lending weight to the theory that the Broncos are in fact vampires.  This game is scheduled to kick off at 8pm, so with their Twilight powers at hand, should dispose fairly easily of the Sea Eagles. 

Newcastle vs Cronulla

Cronulla proved themselves in their last game that they seriously are motherfucking contenders this year, bitch.  Newcastle, on the other hand, didn’t.  I’m just going to go out on a limb and say that the Sharks should be able to wrap this one up within the first 20 minutes, and then pillow-fight the Knights into submission for the next hour.  It’s going to be scintillating stuff.

Tigers vs Canterbury

Last week, the Tigers proved the age-old theory that half a game with a fullback is better than an entire game without one, as they upset the Bunnies. Canterbury… I can’t really remember what happened to them – probably not much, to be honest – and I’m picking the Dawgs to fire up and win this one by about 30.

Gold Coast vs Roosters

The Roosters beat Newcastle last week and Mitchell Pearce has been touted as NSW’s saviour.  Again.  It was the fucking Knights for fuck’s sake.  And this week they have the fucking Titans.  Oh, here you go Mitchell.  Have a blue jersey with the number 7 on it.  

Jack Bird - the "thinking man's" rugby league player 

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