Holy fucking shit, what an absolute fucking clusterfuck of NRL over the last couple of rounds. Completely fucked. I had to take a few weeks off blogging just to get over how fucked it was (I didn’t, really).
We’ve seen the premiership favourites fall to the Panthers, the Panthers go down to the Dragons and the Dragons knock off Souths, who are happily continuing their decline from 2015. If this form continues, they’re looking like they’ll be kicked out of the NRL again by 2018. I would like George Clooney or Joseph Gordon-Levitt to throw some money at them next time (no offence, Rusty).
On the flip-side of that, Parramatta are looking like honest-to-Fijesus premiership contenders… . Keiran Foran is in good nick, and whenever there's trouble, just give the ball to Semi Radradra (who has a great name to type, btw) to fuck some shit up. Also, keep it away from ol’ dick-fingers Gutherson, who fucks everything he touches.
You know there’s some serious football being played when people are concentrating on State of Origin (since Round 2) instead of talking about which dickhead took which drugs and hit which other dickhead and why were they at a nightclub at 4am on a Monday morning anyway what kind of role models are these people they get paid too much and they should all be sacked.
Sorry, I think my mum just hacked my blog.
Broncos vs Dragons
Should be a gimme for the Broncos – they really should sneak home by about 30 or 40 points without breaking a sweat. The Dragons will be relying on Benji Marshall and Josh Dugan to get points, so they’re pretty well fucked from the get-go.
Bunnies vs Eastern Suburb Roosters
Greg Inglis is an absolute liability at the moment and should probably turn up to a game before he smokes a thousand bongs. That said, if there’s ever a team to play you into some form, the Roosters are ideal. Plenty of pressure for the Rabbits to keep the latte-sipping gronks from Bondi winless for the year. Seriously, whichever team lets the Roosters win will be the most hated team in the comp. Here’s hoping it’s Manly.
Parramatta vs Mighty Canberra Raiders
It seems that somewhere around Round 4, someone showed the Raiders how to tackle, and they said "Yeah, okay we’ll give that a go." This will be a cracker of a game, and probably should have made it to the Sunday afternoon televised match instead of the Spasticbowl that is Knights vs Tigers. Close one to call, but I’m afraid I have to slap a reluctant $5 on the Eels.
Warriors vs Manly
Fuck the Warriors for making life too fucking difficult. They should win, because… well… fuck Manly, right? MANLY FACT OF THE DAY: Brett Stewart has never lost against a New Zealand team. The Sea Eagles will also be bolstered by the fact that Daly Cherry Evans isn’t playing for them. Fuck it, gotta lose some time, Bretty.
Panthers vs Cowboys
PANTHERS FACT OF THE DAY: They have gone for one whole week without an injury. Expect Matt Moylan to be stretchered off around 30 minutes in. Penrith are like Josh-Reynolds-at-the-scrum for top-eight sides this year (a pain in the arse, amirite?), but I am still tipping the Cows to win this game in a close one. Look for Morgan to work a little magic in the last ten minutes to seal the deal.
Cronulla vs Titans
The Sharks should pretty much be the perpetual owners of the “Who Gives A Fuck?” badge, and when you throw in the Titans as well, you’ve got a double dose of no fucks being given.
Knights vs Tigers
Make that four fucks not being given. There hasn’t been such a no-fuck event like this since I was in high school.
Storm vs Doggies
The Dogs always turn up to play the Storm, but Melbourne are Monday night specialists. Add the fact that both teams are out of form, and you’ve got a dead-set coin flip to pick this one. I flipped my coin and dropped it down the drain so now I don't know how I'm going to get home.