Thursday, March 17, 2016

NRL 2016 Round 3: Poor Billy

The news that no rugby league fan (except me) wanted to hear:  Billy Slater requires another round of surgery on his shoulder and is expected to miss the next six to eight months of the season, aka. the fucking rest of it.

Billy Slater is already a decorated rugby league star, with a host of Australian and Queensland representative duties, including the coveted Wally Lewis Medal in 2010, the 2011 Dally M award, the Clive Churchill Medal, the 2008 Golden Boot award and the winner of Australia’s Greatest Athlete in 2009 and 2010.  Such is the hunger of the great man that he wants more, and is looking to win his inaugural medal for “playing the least games this season” after making a comeback in round 2 and opting to watch the rest from the sidelines/hospital bed. 

This could mean that retirement is a year closer for the Storm fullback, although suggesting that he’s injury prone is just plain wrong – the only times that he has been injured since 2003 have been a broken collarbone in 2012, knee surgery in 2013 and 2014 and a shoulder operation last year.  “Injury prone?” scoffs Billy, as he contemplates life after football from his 330-foot yacht.  “Not me… not unless you count the last five seasons.” 

We’ll miss you, Bill.  Some of us more than others, obviously.

If you can't stop the man, try to rip his hands off instead

Round 3

Cowboys vs Roosters

The Cowboys came crashing down to earth with an unexpected loss last week, while the Roosters failed once again to close out a game.  I actually don’t care who wins this one, but it would be nice to see the Chooks carry on their winless record. 

Bulldogs vs Parramatta

Both teams have provided some Jekyll and Hyde performances so far this year, so it will depend on who the fuck turns up.  The Dogs will be bolstered by Klemmer’s reprieve from the judiciary for touching a referee last week.  It’s just nice that for once no one from Canterbury was cited for touching a drunk underage girl. 

Knights vs the Mighty Canberra Raiders RAAA

God bless the Knights; they’re the new Bye round.  Dickfingers Uate is injured and Feeney has been dropped to bring in Newcastle’s secret weapon:  COREY DENNISS.  Eighteen years old.  A veteran of five Holden Cup games.  Superfluous double letters in his surname.  I’m pretty sure that coach Nathan Brown is just assuming that the Raiders will forfeit in fear of the potential destruction that this kid may have. 

Penrith vs Broncos

The Panthers are going so poorly that they can’t even get a televised game against the Broncos.  The Broncos are still so boring that Channel 9 couldn’t be fucked putting them on Friday nights any more. 

Titans vs Wests Tigers

James Tedesco is often referred to as “the next Billy Slater”.  Considering that Teddy has spent the first three years of his career injured, I’d say that’s pretty accurate.  The Titans are equivalent to the Adelaide Rams.  Yeah, I went there.

Warriors vs Melbourne

No matter how shit the Warriors appear, they always pull something out of somewhere when they play Melbourne.  And Konrad Hurrell is back to knee some bastard in the face.

St George vs Rabbitohs

Holy shit, what is going on with St George so far this year?  Training for the Dragons this week has consisted of lubing up and grabbing their own ankles in anticipation of this match.  Look for Dugan to clutch at his hamstring (again) as soon as the game is out of reach.  In this case, about six minutes after kick-off.

Manly vs Sharks

The loser of this game should be forced to remove their Southern Cross tattoos.  And that team will be Manly.  MY GOD it’s so good to see Manly and Easts propping up the bottom of the ladder.  

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