Thursday, April 14, 2016

NRL 2016 - Round 7: McFadden? More like... Mc... Fucked. Eh?

Almost two months gone in the regular NRL season, and we’ve got a front-runner for “Coach Most Likely to be Sacked First” – let’s try not to get too attached to NZ Warriors coach Andrew McFadden, who has been running his team about the same way that I performed in SuperCoach comps a few years back, which was by entering my tips in once and then forgetting about it.

Luckily (?) for Fads this week, he has finally decided to change a few things up and has moved his half-line around by bringing in Tuimoala “Can I Buy A Vowel” Lolohea at five-eighth to partner Shaun “Girlfriend” Johnson at his preferred half-back position.  This is an interesting move as the Warriors have long described Tui as the club’s future long-term half, but have played him on the wing and as centre so far this year. 

If the Warriors lose another one this week, I’d say that McFads might find himself on the Centrelink line next week.  With a pretty decent spine that closely resembles the New Zealand national team, they have no excuses not to be doing a whole lot better than they are.  Key recruits from last year Roger Tuivasa-Sheck and Issac “the Human Pudding” Luke might need to find some form and fitness pretty soon (and also learn how the whole “tackling” thing works), or they’ll have to start selling themselves on the streets of Auckland just to be able to afford fush n chups for dunner.  And no one wants to tonk a fullback who can’t tackle. 

Other contenders for “Shit Coach” are Paul “Mary” McGregor and Jason “Fuckwit” Taylor from St George and Wests respectively.  But they’re safe for at least another three games because they have shit teams to work with anyway.

Round 7

Manly vs Parra

Parramatta played out of their balls last week against the Raiders, and will look to former Sea-Eagle Kieran Foran for another smashing.  Manly know his game well, and have a great opportunity to upset the Eels.  But they won’t, because they’re shit.

Cowboys vs Rabbitohs

Souths fans everywhere will be breathing a sigh of relief into their huffing bag as Adam Reynolds makes his comeback from a broken jaw from round 1.  Is that seriously how long a broken jaw takes to mend?  I would have thought longer.  Despite the Bunnies officially having a kicking game again, they’re too underdone to worry anyone right now. 

Tits vs St Merge

FUN FACT OF THE DAY:  Canberra Raiders captain Jarrod Croker has scored more points this year than the St George team as a whole.  I have a funny feeling that the Dragons might finally get onto the board after a slew of donuts, but I still don’t think it’ll be enough.  Props to the St George fan who takes his “GST” banner with him everywhere though.  It’s still not funny, but full credit to you, son.

Bulldogs vs Warriors

The Warriors have sparked their team with some key inclusions in the half-line… but I don’t see it being enough.  Through sheer determination, hard defence, cheating and untraceable drugs, the Doggies have my stamp of approval.

Broncos vs Knights

The Knights managed to win last week.  Good for them.  The Broncos kind of do that a bit regularly, so they probably wouldn’t have celebrated like it was 1999 all week. 

Raiders vs Sharkies

Ah you Raiders, always keeping us guessing.  Up one week, down the next.  Smash the Bulldogs, get rolled by the Eels.  Draw with the Dragons, lose to the Titans.  Fuck.  Whatever, they’ll win this game because the Sharks are dicks.

Tigers vs Storm

It’s the official “No one Gives A Shit About” game of the round.  I can’t fucking tip either of these teams, they keep turning it around and fucking me.  This should be a draw.  13-all. 

Roosters vs Penrith

Oh wait, it’s the official “Oh It’s Another One That Seriously No one Gives A Shit About” game of the round.  It was disappointing to see the Roosters get off their winless season with a victory over the Bunnies last weekend, but here’s hoping that the Panthers (who choose to lose most of their games by 2 points in the last minute of the game) will keep them at the bottom of the ladder.  St George fans are just happy that they’re somehow not the worst team (statistically) so far this year.  

I don't know where he's trying to kick the ball, but I doubt it's going to end up there

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