Wednesday, May 27, 2015

State of Origin 2015 Drinking Game

Tonight, pride and passion are put on the line.  Friendship and loyalties are forgotten as a battle for a place in history begins.  Men enter the field and leave as warriors.  Legends are created.  It’s a time when athletes transcend the sport and become myth. 

Or, you know, a couple of dickheads turn up to play a game of football, and it gets hyped to the point that it’s just fucking ridiculous.

In order to keep a lid on things, let’s grab a slab and make what could very well be a dour game just a bit more interesting.  Pretend you’re Josh Dugan and join the Mister Evil Breakfast State of Origin Drinking Game (otherwise known as ‘MEBSOODG’, which is actually an ancient Scandinavian drinking proverb, roughly translated to “do something with the fucking ball, Pearce, you fucking useless shit.”)!

Let’s start things off easy.  Take one sip:
  • Every time a team scores a try. 
  • When Origin is described as “the greatest rivalry in sport.”
  • Each time is brought up.  
  • For each Mitchell Pearce fuck-up (dropped ball, kicked out on the full, knock-on).  This could get messy.
  • When Trent Hodkinson passes to a player who was not expecting it.
  • When the commentators call him “Hodgkinson.”
  • If Greg Inglis’ name is yelled for no apparent reason (i.e. “Here come the Queensland players, led by Cameron Smith.  Following him is Darius Boyd and GREG INGLIS!  Also, Jonathan Thurston.”)
  • If someone is described as, or mentions being “an underdog.”
  • If Sam Thaiday is clearly the third man into a tackle.
  • If Jonathan Thurston elbows someone in the throat during a tackle.
  • If Aaron Woods takes a hit-up and turns it into an ineffective wander to the line.
  • Whenever a team opts for a penalty kick instead of going for the try.
  •  Justin Hodges runs from dummy half.
  •  Cam Smith, Thurston or Robbie Farah throws it blatantly forward.
  • If Farah attempts to pass but drops the ball clean.
  • A leg cramp in the last four minutes.
  • The use of the word “debutante.”

Take it up a notch and have two sips:
  • Whenever the commentator mentions “[player’s name] is built for Origin.”
  • Whenever Origin is described as “a different brand of football.”
  • When one of the commentators displays some clear bias towards their team.
  • When some blatant Channel 9 cross-promotion occurs.  Have an extra drink if it’s The Block, Reno Rumble or The Voice.
  • When Billy Slater kicks someone in the face.
  • If Gus Gould says, “You can never write off this QLD/NSW team.”  Have a bonus couple if that team has written themselves off.
  •  If a player’s bum is shown.
  • Michael Jennings drops the ball in a tackle.  Bonus drink if he gets a penalty for it being ‘stripped.’
  • If a try is awarded without going to the video ref.
  • If a player seems to be able to get away with an obvious penalty simply because 'Origin.'

For professionals only – three sips:
  • Mention of Spider-cam.  Have a bonus drink if Spider-cam is mentioned while Spider-cam is being shown. 
  • If Cam Smith questions the referee and manages to change the penalty result.
  •  When Gus, Wally and Rabs start discussing great players that you’ve never fucking heard of. 
  •  Every time Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is inexplicably asked for an opinion about rugby league.  Have a bonus three when he mentions a lack of helmets and padding.

Crazy talk - finish your drink:
  •  If a “fight” breaks out (read: a few blokes holding onto shirts and swearing at each other while the rest of the team grabs their shirts and swears), finish your drink.  Grab yourself another one during the pointless video review of nothing happening. 
  • If a player is seriously injured but shows ‘true Origin spirit’ and stays on the field (broken hand/arm/dislocated shoulder etc).
  • If a player is concussed, try and match their state of mind by slamming down a full drink.
  • Finish your drink if the phrase “great Origin moments” is used to describe something that is happening in the game.  Finish someone else’s drink if it’s not really that special.
And the best part of Origin?  Whatever the scoreline, a Canberra Raiders legend will be taking home the trophy.  So go fuck yourself, Wayne Bennett.  

Greg Bird cracks the defence and makes a line break

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