Some great news for Rugby Union fans from the NRL this week – Sonny Bill Williamshas committed to staying with rugby league and the Sydney City Roosters for the 2014 season, so we can expect him to be pissing off back to New Zealand to pick up his All Black’s jersey around March.
In other traditional news, another high-profile NRL player was charged with offensivebehaviour while out and about in Kings Cross, as David “The Wolfman” Williams found himself in a spot of bother this week. My favourite part of this story is undoubtedly the line "It is understood that Williams’ teammate Justin Horo and Manly’s assistant coach Andrew Johns were also out on the night with Williams." Good ol’ Andrew Johns. Not only is he a massive dickhole of a commentator, a shit coach and completely rubbish as a media personality, he’s a massive dickhole, shit and a completely rubbish bloke.
Good player, but.
A recent survey from some dickheads also found that Australians thought that the Cronulla Sharks were the most deceitful club inAustralian sport. If someone asked me that question, I don’t think I would automatically go for Cronulla; to be honest, sometimes I kind of forget that they exist at all. Surely the Melbourne Storm and the Canterbury Bulldogs are a bit shit in that department, you know, by way of breaching the salary cap and having to hand over premierships and all that? All the Sharks have done is bring in Todd Carney, who brought in a whole lot of drugs. It was always going to happen.
In other key results:
* Melbourne fullback Billy Slater was rated the most ‘marketable’ NRL star – heading a hot field that includes, in order, Johnathan Thurston, Greg Inglis, Cam Smith, Cooper Cronk and Benji Marshall. I think we’re all still in some shock that Cooper Cronk was beaten in this category. Personally, I’m still shocked that people haven’t realised that he’s rubbish.
* South Sydney fullback Greg Inglis is regarded as the most competitive Australian athlete, winning ahead of stars like tennis ace Sam Stosur and cyclist Cadel Evans. Playing 80 minutes of footy is a bit different to the competitiveness of flogging a bike around France, but I’ll just agree with the masses. I’m sure Sam Stosur is as competitive as anyone though. Except when it comes to tennis.
* Newcastle fullback Darius Boyd is considered the most "fake" leaguie. I don’t even know what this means. He definitely exists.
* Penrith are the most unappealing NRL club. Has nobody heard of Manly?
* Sonny Bill Williams is league’s best looker. I think this means that he is the “best looking league player.” I wouldn’t disagree, only because if Sonny ever finds out that I don’t rate him, he’ll beat me up and have his way with me. Also, I’ll be making jokes about how shit he is for leaving his club while he does it. Then I’ll make fun of how rubbish union is while he’s cuddling me afterwards.
Union is shit though, seriously. If we have learned nothing else from the series between the British and Irish Lions and the Australian and Other Places Wallabies, it’s that union is shit. Israel Falou scored with his first touch in international rugby, which would make it about his third touch in rugby overall. He bamboozled the defence by running at them, instead of booting the ball into the eighth row of the crowd, spitting on the ground and then clapping himself for doing so. Well done, Izzy. You’re a true “athlete.”
The Storm screwed me out of a perfect round last week. I blame Cooper Cronk. But I’ll tip them this week, because they’re playing the Broncos.
Tiges to continue their good form, Panthers to sneak home against the Titans (who I’d also forgotten existed), and Manly to hopefully show up when they host the Eels. No guarantees though, it’s Manly.
Storm v Broncos
Sharks v Tigers
Dragons v Roosters
Titans v Panthers
Bulldogs v Knights
Rabbitohs v Warriors
Sea Eagles v Eels
Game of the Round:
Raiders v Cowboys
Last week, the Raiders had their first, last and only televised game for the NRL season. They didn’t go so well, narrowly going down to the Rabbitohs by 34 points. I’m still not sure how Canberra can only rack up one televised game per year – there are 75 games involving 150 teams in a 16 team competition should probably be spread around a bit better. Parramatta, who are still at good odds to take out last place, have four more games being televised this year, after having about a thOUsand matches shown already. Canberra do have a couple of Saturday afternoon games coming up, in contrast to the recent trend of Saturday night romps.
An NRL spokesperson said, “At this stage we are not considering making Saturday afternoon football an ongoing part of the NRL match schedule. There is, however, a curiosity both on our part and of our broadcasters to see how fans respond to the timeslot, both in terms of game-day attendance and TV ratings.” Here’s a prediction, dickhead – ratings will suck, because the games aren’t being televised.
As for this week, I’m tipping the Raiders for absolutely no fucking reason at all. They’re playing like shit, and the Cowbs are playing well. It makes no sense, but this game – THIS GAME – will be the one that turns the Green Machine season around. So help me God.
Remember when Josh Dugan fought a midget?