Friday, July 19, 2013

Round 19: Wow, Round Nineteen.

The 2013 State of Origin series will from hereon in be remembered as “the one that should have been the best series ever except it was ruined by the fat guy who streaked in the last game and effectively fucked it up for everyone” whereby it should probably be remembered as “the usual shit that is only memorable for thefat guy who streaked in Game Three.” 

The fact that this fat fuck could run 140 metres is astounding – but to have him run 140 metres while evading security is a whole other achievement.  NSW forward Ryan Hoffman was quoted as saying, “"I'm not going to have a go at the security. But from a player's view, we're worried about safety.  If I tripped over him and hurt myself I would have been filthy.”  Hoff, if you tripped over him, you deserve to be injured.  Accidentally running into that guy would be akin to accidentally walking off the edge of the Grand Canyon because you “didn’t see it.” 

Congratulations to Queensland for notching up their eighth series win in a row.  However, as I have commented before on this blog, I predict that it will be the last series win by the Maroons for quite some time, as the NSW up-and-comers come up and the Queenslanders will get a bit older, slower, more injured and generally shitter.  It’s time for Inglis to go to fullback, Slater to hit the wing, Thurston to fuck off, some other blokes to fill in the centres.  Easy.  I could do Mal Meninga’s job (honestly, I think I could; except for his role on the Malaganis-Edwards-Johnson commercials).

I could also do Laurie Daley’s job (better than him) by sacking Mitch Pearce and shooting him into the sun.  For the 2014 series, I’d probably bring in Todd Carney and partner him with John Sutton in the halves.  And you know how much I hate Todd Carney, so you know that hurt me a lot to type.  A lot.  Like heaps.  I’d also get rid of Aaron Woods, who is the softest fucking forward that has ever had his laces tied for him in Origin.  I don’t know why NSW thought that picking the bloke from the Wildlife Fund who dresses up as a koala and gives hugs for $1 was a good idea, but hopefully it will be his last game at this level until he replaces the pillows on the end of his arms with hands.

Round 19

Benji Marshall dropped a bombshell this week by announcing that he’s leaving the Tigers, despite having another three years left on his contract.  He’s going to probably try his hand at playing Rugby Union, which should suit him to a tee, as he doesn’t have to tackle anyone, and can kick it out on the full as much as he wants to. 

In an exclusive interview with the Footy Show last night (I should have just stayed watching the cricket, to be honest), Benji defended his actions by declaring himself to be “loyal and honest, and full of integrity” and “expecting the same from the club.”  As far as I know, the Tigers were paying him to play, which pretty much wraps up their duties to him right there.  As for all the other shit that is going on at the Tiges, I can’t really comment on, because I just don’t care that much.  I’m sure they have their reasons though.

So for the turmoil that Benj is causing at the ol Wests club, I’m not tipping them.  Also because the Warriors are playing quite well.  Marshall has asked the crowd not to boo him when he runs out this weekend; let’s just see how the fans react to this loyal, honest player.

I’m going for the Roosters over the Sharks… just because.  I don’t need to explain myself to you people.

Everything else pretty much writes itself.  Good teams over the bad ones etc.

Tigers vs Warriors
Roosters vs Sharks
Panthers vs Knights
Sea Eagles vs Titans
Rabbitohs vs Dragons

Game of the Round

Raiders vs Eels

In their last game, the Mighty Fucking Canberra Raiders gave it their best effort to lose to the Cowboys, who are sitting pretty at the arse-end of the table.  It was the kind of win that the Raiders needed to have, but convinced absolutely no one of their credentials as a proper final eight team.  If they can flog the pants off the Eels this weekend, it will go a good way to proving that they can put teams to the sword and can play some strong, solid, consistent footy. 

But since it’s the Raiders, it will be a scrappy, shitty win.  At least it’s at Canberra Stadium, where the Raiders are looking at a straight billionth win.  It’s also probably going to be -5 degrees and pissing down with rain, so if they can combine their previous form of dropping the ball every time someone looks at them with cold & wet conditions, the crowd is in for a fucking treat.

Still.  Raiders by 30.

If anyone out there has PhotoShop and wants to insert a penis into this picture, be my guest.

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