Friday, June 28, 2013

Round 16: The Most Important Origin Series in History blah blah

Well fuck me in the ear with an elbow – who would have thought that QLD would have won the second Origin game, thereby taking the “most important series in history, at least since last year” into a deciding third game? 

QLD completely dominated the Blues in Game 2 – bigger, better, stronger, faster, all the way across the park.  Normally they just save that for being bigger, better, stronger and faster than Mitchell Pearce.  Actually, normally everyone does.  Because, you know, Mitch Pearce is rubbish.

I honestly don’t know why the Blues selectors persevere with him.  His kicking game is dick, his passing game is balls and his tackling is dickandballs (I kind of lost my way in that analogy).  NSW must bring in Carney, McCrone or some kid from the League of their Own segment on The Footy Show for Game Three; there’s no way that they can allow to have one of the most important positions on the field being taken up by a retarded kid on a Starlight Foundation ‘Make a Wish’ excursion. 

However, it would be worth picking him to see if he lives up to his promise to kick the shit out of Billy Slaterin the next gameWhile I think that Billy is a fucking numpty who gets away with a lot of shady shit in the back play, the only person he’d successfully be able to take on in a biff would be Mitch Pearce.  And I don’t want to see Billy win at anything. 


Dominating the headlines once again following Wednesday’s match was the sin-binning of a thousand four players following an ugly awkward all-in-brawl after Trent Merrin decided to try and flog Brent Tate’s chin through the back of his broken neck.  I’m not sure what kind of boxing training the Blues have been taking lately, but we’ve now seen Paul Gallen and Trent Merrin unsuccessfully fight someone who wasn’t watching them, so I’ll just assume the answer is none.

Following Gallen’s attack on Nate Myles in Game One, the NRL have knee-jerked the shit out of themselves and made punching-on a massive no-no in all forms of the game, with referees instructed to send off anyone who swings a fist at another human being.  Slater escaped this rule on a technicality by using his elbows and knees.  Treating the players like children is NOT the way to go, regardless of the child-like IQ of any given/collective players.  Fucking regulate it the way you should regulate everything in the fucking game, you fucking fucks.  Banning the shoulder charge was wrong – each shoulder charge should be judged on its own worth – if they shoulder charge someone well, carry on.  If it’s a reckless, high and dangerous attack, then penalize the dickhead who can’t tackle.  If someone retaliates to some dodgy play and punches Billy Slater, carry on.  Let them sort it out.  If someone punches on with someone for no reason, then penalize the dickhead who can’t play football (Gallen). 

Fuck I should be in charge of the NRL. 

Round 16

Another tricky round with injuries and players maybe backing up from Wednesday’s slap and tickle… Who the fuck knows, honestly?

Throw in the Warriors, who don’t know whether they’re fush or chups, and it’s a motherfucking confusing round to pick.  Fuck it, they’ll all tie. 

They won’t.

Tigers vs Storm
Panthers vs Dragons
Knights vs Titans
Warriors vs Broncos
Cowboys vs Sharks
Roosters vs Sea Eagles

Game of the Round:

Rabbitohs vs Raiders

The Raiders did what every normal club would do following its ninetieth suspended player for drinking, drugs and general illegal tomfoolery – started signing their players from church.  Welcome to Canberra, Jordan Rapana and Bill Tupou, fresh from two-year missionary stints digging wells, chanting Psalms and reading bibles and stuff.  Fuck it, can’t hurt having them burning incense in the changeroom before the game – at least it’ll mask the smell of Campese’s bong. 

Unless, of course, they’re just signing anyone with a name that sounds slightly New Zealandish.  In that case, I expect to see Tim Finn, Russell Crowe and Daniel Vettori pulling on the lime green by 2015.

You’d have to assume that this would be an easy game for the Rabbitohs.  That’s probably because it really will be; the Raiders were fucking horrible last week against the Tigers.  No matter how much the Canberra lads step up their game this round, I don’t think it will be enough.  Unless of course, the Raiders step it up a shit tin, and the Bunnies also step it down a metric fuck ton.  Then they MIGHT get through in a golden-point thriller.

Bunnies by a thousand. 

You stay classy, NRL.  And keep drawing penises on your running sheet during live TV broadcasts

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