If it didn’t mean that my glorious reign in the mid-3,000s in a 67,000-strong tipping competition was over (now I’m in the 12,000s), I would still be laughing at the outcomes of last week’s games. The Upset-A-Tron NRL 2000TM was in fine form last week, as the Parramattas beat the Brisbanes and the Storm took advantage of the situation to play another round of “we’re definitely not going to underestimate the team that we’re playing this week after underestimating the team we played last week and were beaten because we played like shit.” There were other games that didn’t go my way either, but I didn’t really care about them. When Brisbane loses, everything else just kind of fades into the background and you’re left with a happy little cloud of angry Queenslanders. Good times, man. Justin “Marshmallow” Hodges also succumbed to an injury and won’t play this week. Hodges’ horror run of injury coincides with Brisbane’s shit form, upcoming Origin appearances and a hopeful appearance in the next Celebrity Splash comp. Hodgey is injured so often that he has received a few words of advice from Australian cricketers.
This week, Josh Dugan officially became a St George Illawarra Steel Dragon. He is basically the only person excited by this news, as it means that he can now stop pretending to apply for jobs and can get off the dole. It’s basically a win-win situation for the Saints – if “the Dugan experiment” works, hooray, and if not, they were fucked without him anyway.
The Panthers are in a whole world of trouble right now, after realising that absolutely no one in the world likes them. They offered Todd Carney money to take up a contract, and he said, “Yeah nah” so they took that money to Johnathan Thurston and he said, “Yeah nah.” Seriously, two of the biggest moneywhores in the world don’t want to be associated with the club – there’s gotta be something going on. I blame Phil Gould’s “hair.”
Broncs v Titans? Fucking hell, what a waste of a game. For one; they are both playing like rubbish, and two – they’re both full of fucking Queenslanders. There will be so much spitting going on on the field that the first three rows of spectators will drown. Then again, those spectators are more than likely to be from Queensland too. Play on! I’m tipping the Titans for no other reason than I don’t really like Allan Langer.
The Bunnies should destroy the Tigers, who have taken a bold strategy of benching their “best” player. Whether or not Benji Marshall starts on the field or takes to the field fifteen minutes later is absolutely inconsequential, and let’s be honest, a waste of an interchange.
Broncos vs Titans
Rabbitohs vs Tigers
Dragons vs Eels
Panthers vs Warriors
Cowboys vs Roosters
Knights vs Bulldogs
Storm vs Sea Eagles
Game of the Round:
Sharks vs Raiders
Last week, the Raiders put Newcastle away like you would with some red-headed stepchildren. After 20 minutes, things looked a bit dire for the Greenery Machinery though, as the Knights put on three tries. Then the Raiders turned up, thanked the cheerleaders for filling in while they were at the pub, and went about destroying the “boys” from Newcastle like they fucking well should have. Any team that still puts Kurt Gidley in their line-up deserves to be whacked. “We’ve got Danny Buderus coming back from injury soon too” crowed their coach. “Unfortunately, our time machine back to 2003 is still a few weeks off.”
Last year, the Raiders put away a fairly tidy Cronulla side, most notable for the arrival of big Josh Papalii, who skull fucked Paul Gallen from here to somewhere else. Gall was his usual humble self, claiming that Papalii king-hit him in a few tackles, held him out of the play, snuck horse tranquilizers into his mouth in the scrum, and inferred that he has been having sexual relations with his mother for quite some time. Since returning from injury (last week), Papalii has played out of his skin. Another clash between two big hitters (and by that I mean Josh Papalii’s left and right arms) is on the cards, and my money goes quite deservedly to the Canberra lads.
Also, because Todd Carney is a fucking fuck.
Possibly the most useless photograph ever taken