Friday, April 20, 2012

You cin play for us eh bro?

There are no NRL games on this weekend due to the New Zealand v Australia ANZAC Test Match. Australia has controversially selected James Tamou in their side – controversial not in the way that I have never heard of him before, but controversial because he was born in New Zealand, has a New Zealand passport, New Zealand parents, knows the words to the New Zealand national anthem, speaks with a New Zealand accent, owns an All Blacks cap, calls thongs ‘jandals’ and always has to cop the accusation that he has sex with sheep.

In other words, the bloke is a New Zealander. Due to the Australian Rugby League salary sheet, representative players receive shit tins more coin for pulling on the green and gold. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to reward players for being tops, but maybe we could change the rule that says you can opt out of your nationality and switch to another one at any time you need a couple of extra pineapples in your wallet. This isn’t club football where you can be bought and traded between teams, this is your country, for fuck’s sake. It’s meant to be an honour to be selected, not a way to be able to afford to renovate your kitchen.

Jimmy Tamou, whoever the fuck you are, you’d better be good. Also, you’d better be ready to be monstered by thirteen giant New Zealand players who are pissed off that you ‘dutched your country for a paycheck bro.’


Canberra Raiders vs Themselves

Canberra Raiders’ captain and playmaker, Terry Campese, has been confirmed as having the knees of a ninety-seven year old arthritic woman who enjoys snowboarding. I have never been snowboarding, but it looks like it might hurt your knees if you did it for a long time. Tezza has officially ruled himself out for the rest of the 2012 season by snapping his ACL in half. Again. Like he did last year. And the year before. Honestly, I like Terry Campese, I really do, but I think it’s about time we either find him a new job, or put up the white screen and shoot him.

Josh Dugan is obviously a bit upset about the possibility of losing the “Most Injured Player” award for the second year in a row, so has announced his availability to play… despite the fact that his AC joint is dislocated. While it would seem somewhat foolish to most of us to play a contact sport with only one arm, his doctor has told him that “no further damage can be done.” I’m sure Duges will put that theory to the test.

A rare photo of Terry Campese without his stretcher

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey MEB,
Will you be holding a banner/sign at next weeks game at Berra Stadium? I would love to hear your suggestions of interesting & amusing slogans the crowd should use in the theme of your mate Todd.