Following the kick-off of representative football, we’re back to our regular programming with the rest of Round 8. The ANZAC test betwixt the Kangaroos and the Kiwis failed to get my excitement levels too far above “meh” and two out of the three Australian tries were fairly rubbish pieces of play, while the best NZ effort was a 90-metre intercept. All in all, I’d say the best thing that happened was Billy Slater being sin-binned for being a massive dirty cheat, and Daly Chery-Evans being forced to sit on the bench all night and watch everyone else have fun because he’s from Manly. That’s probably not entirely the reason, but I’d do it to him. I’d actually do it to the entire Manly team. Then I’d make them all watch that Zac Efron movie. In 3D. Twice. And pay for it themselves. And not on a Tuesday. Then I’d make them recycle their 3D glasses afterwards just in case they thought “Hey, at least I managed to keep my 3D glasses! Maybe this wasn’t such a bad day after all.”
So Big Willie Fucking Mason is back… again. No one knows why, and the majority of the NRL community is pretending that he doesn’t exist in the hope that he will go away, kind of like what the AFL is doing to Israel Folau. I also have it on good authority that the Newcastle Knights’ CEO woke up fairly hungover one Saturday morning, and upon checking his computer, realised that he’d sent a lot of Facebook friend requests to his high school girlfriend, was banned from The Voice talkback forums and had bought an acoustic guitar and Willie Mason on eBay. When asked about his Friday night, he offered this response:
“While my online comments towards Delta Goodrem may have been seen as the ramblings of a drunken, malicious and ill-informed person, I stand by my claim that Rachael would have been better suited to be a part of Seal’s coaching team. As to my guitar purchase; simply put, I have always wanted to learn guitar, and I actually thought I was buying Willie Nelson, not Willie Mason. If Mason cannot teach me to play the guitar, I don’t know what we’ll do with him.” He declined comment on his Facebook actions.
St George-Illawarra Dragons v Sydney Roosters
Melbourne Storm v New Zealand Warriors
Brisbane Broncos v Gold Coast Titans
Bulldogs v Manly Sea Eagles
South Sydney Rabbitohs v North Queensland Cowboys
Parramatta Eels v Wests Tigers
Newcastle Knights v Penrith Panthers
There’s always the danger of having an upset due to the stupid rep games, but I’m going fairly safe at this stage. A couple of coin-flips for Souths vs Nth Queensland and Canterbury vs Manly were required, but I got there in the end. Lucky I use my double-headed coin for those ones.
Game of the Round:
Canberra Raiders v Sharks
Oh Raiders. Raiders Raiders Raiders. Honestly. What are we going to do with you? Not tip you, is what I’m doing. I still love you though.
The Sharks have been surprisingly good this year, and seem to be one of the form teams in the comp. The Raiders, on the other hand, are a bit shit, and aren’t helping themselves with injuries, bad options, dropped balls and a horrendous kicking game. However, their “shit game / good game / shit game” season is swinging back in their favour, and they could surprise everyone. Probably not though.
One motivation they might have is the homecoming of Toddwink P. Carney (the P stands for Pissingonpeopleatthepub – it might be a family name, or has German background; I’m not sure). Everyone in the world would just love to have the opportunity to destroy that little squinty fucker.
Sam Williams opts to bench press a footy instead of weights