Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Welcome to television


This one's a few weeks old now, but I saved the link for some reason and never got around to writing an entry on it. I've been busy again, so shut up and deal with hearing about "news" a bit late. Or pay me to write a blog, that'd help.

The story, for those who couldn't be arsed clicking the link, is about a new TV chat show, hosted by Georgie Parker, who has been dubbed as "sexy" in the headline. Ahem. I don't think Georgie Parker and "sexy" have been used together since about 1921, unless the headline was "Georgie Parker is NOT sexy". Yeah.

Anyway, it's going to be a Channel 9 ratings bonanza, apparently. Especially since they're going to pit it up against Deal or No Deal, which is the world's greatest game show ever. A chat show? Seriously? Fuck.

This is NOT news. It would be news if a new TV show was given to a new person to take charge of. Aussie TV has returned to the murky well of celebrities to try and launch a new TV show. If there's a new show coming out, an old celebrity will be involved. Got a spiffy new concept? Quick, get Bert Newton on it. Sure, he's killed every single show he's been on since The Graham Kennedy Show (which ended in 1975), including Family Feud (Moon Face couldn't compete with Rob Brough's permed mullet). Got a show we've stolen from another country? Shit, get Rove McManus on the line. I can imagine some young exec offering the idea, "Maybe we could give the hosting job to someone else?" followed by raucous laughter and the quick response, "Fuck off. What's Daryl Somers up to these days?"

What's Daryl Somers up to these days indeed -,22049,24308524-5007132,00.html. He's coming back, people. He's. Coming. Back. After Hey Hey It's Saturday was thankfully euthanised, Dags disappeared for a while, then popped up on a few commercials, a couple of "Best Bits of Hey Hey It's Saturday" specials, a "Red Faces: Where Are They Now?" gig, before popping up on Dancing With The Stars. I don't understand this show. I couldn't give a flying fuck if Steven Jacobs can waltz. I don't care if Gary Sweet missed a step in his cha-cha. If I want to watch dancing, I'll watch people who can dance. I don't need to see some overpaid spastic who has been relegated to appearing on celebrity shows mince around and pretend they're not embarrassed by the fact that their acting/singing/personality has been proven to suck enough not to be able to remain on Australian television. Apparently Dancing With The Stars is rating badly. The "experts" say it's because they've changed the host to Daniel MacPherson (another albatross on our screens) - I say it's because people realise that the show sucks dog's balls.

Seriously. If you can't keep a gig on Aussie TV, you're fucked. The formula for an Aussie celebrity's death is plain:

Toni Pearon, watch out.

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