Monday, September 01, 2008

enjoy your stay!

This bus shelter offers sweeping views of the street

Welcome to Canberra! Come one, come all. But where will you stay while you are in this wonderful land of the nation's capital?

I don't often hire hotel rooms when I could just, you know, go home, but here are a few choices and some made up nonsense:

Waldorf Hotel:
I haven't actually stayed there, but I've had drinks in the hotel. It's pretty nice, and seems to be a bit la-de-dah. If you aren't worried about cost, this place is probably awesome. If you are worried, I'd try my best to escape the next day without paying. Use a false name and don a disguise. The Waldorf is handily located near a bakery which has fantastic sausage rolls.

Right across the road from the Waldorf. Not sure who was there first, but I can't say that the elite patrons of the Wal would appreciate watching semi-nude drunken Europeans wandering around... but then again, they might. There's a pretty decent bar underneath the Backpackers which changes its name every other week. Also located near the same bakery with fantastic sausage rolls as the Waldorf. I have no idea what the facilities are like, but since it's a backpackers, I'd recommend showering with your thongs on.

My Place:
My place is pretty nice, but you'll have to sleep on the couch (it is a nice couch though) and I can't promise you any kind of food beyond cereal, and my milk is always past its expiration date. Entertainment includes a good range of DVDs and free-to-air television (some stations are a bit fuzzy though). Visitors at My Place are encouraged to bring beer.

I know nothing about the Novotel at all, but it looks quite nice. I think it has a green sign, but it might not... If it’s the one I’m thinking of, it’s near the Jolimont Centre, so is handy if you just hopped off a bus. If it’s not the one I’m thinking of, then it’s probably not relevant as to how close it is to anything, buses or otherwise.

Kambah Inn:
I know of one guy who stayed there for a while when he was posted to Canberra for work. He never really recovered. That said, the Kambah Pub is pretty nice if you ignore the locals, and the Chinese restaurant out the back is also worth a visit.

City Walk Hotel:
I stayed there once after my Year 12 formal. I hope they've cleaned up since then, but I can't promise anything. Standard budget accommodation, and even cheaper if you're sharing a room with about six of your mates. I think I lost a sock that night.

Again, never stayed there, but I've had a few drinks in the hotel bar during Happy Hour. Quite nice, truth be told. That's about all I can offer you. Like all Rydges around Australia (and possibly the world), I think it's pricey. So if you just HAVE to stay somewhere a bit glamorous, this could be your best bet. The rooms look quite nice (even when standing outside and peering through the windows with a pair of binoculars) and the balconies are always full of rich, good looking people. So if you're an ugly, poor person, better think about staying elsewhere.

Parliament House:
I'm pretty sure they don't actually offer any hotel services, like rooms or food, but if you can stay there overnight without being caught by security, I reckon it'd be a pretty good story. If you do get caught, you could always try and convince them that you're Kevin Rudd and you left your phone behind, and you're just going back to find it. If you get let off, that would be an even better story.

Todd Carney's Place:
Located just outside of Canberra, TCs place offers high-speed pick-up services from any bar in Canberra, although strangely, no return service. Visitors will be treated to a golden shower upon arrival, plus may be lucky enough to appear in The Canberra Times in both the "Out and About" section and also in "Legal". Bookings are non-essential, but can be arranged through text messaging if in doubt.
Enjoy your stay!


Anonymous said...

How did you manage to find a graffiti-free bus shelter?

Mister Evil Breakfast said...

Quite simple, really - I am awesome.

Anonymous said...

What about federation square (which is more of an oval) at Gold Creek (which has no Gold).

Mr Football

Anonymous said...

Where does Symo stay when he comes for fishing trips?

Mr Football